Thursday, June 27, 2013

I like your thinking joke of the day

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

One Liner joke for Kids

What do you do when your chair breaks?
Call a chairman

What do you call the best butter on the farm?
A goat.

 What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!

What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A cartoon.

kids jokes one liners

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Why did the cow cross the road

Question: Why did the cow cross the road?

Answer: To get to the Mooovies!

Animal jokes

If animals have Facebook

If animals have Facebook..... these are most likely to be their Status Updates!

COCKROACH: "Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!"

Cat: "My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??, I don’t even remember"

Mosquito: "I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking"

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Gwyneth Paltrow's Pancakes recipe

Cooking-Time:0hrs 30 mins

FOR THE DRESSING350g (12oz) plain flour
75g (2 ½oz) granulated sugar
3 ½ tsp baking powder
2 tsp fine salt
750ml (1 ¼ pint) buttermilk
75g (2 ½oz) unsalted butter, melted and cooled, plus more for cooking
6 large organic eggs
250ml (½ pint) milk
 maple syrup, warmed, for serving
  • 1. Whisk the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt together.

    2. Whisk together buttermilk, butter and eggs in another bowl.

    3. Mix the wet ingredients in with the dry ingredients.

    4. Whisk to form a batter.

    5. Cover batter and allow to sit overnight.

    6. Heat griddle or non-stick pan and add some butter.

    7. Add milk to batter to thin it to proper consistency.

    8. Cook pancakes on griddle/pan, flipping when bubbles appear on non-cooked side.

    9. Cook for 2 minutes once flipped.

    10. Place on plate and serve with maple syrup. 
  • Celiac Disease

            Have you ever eaten gluten? No, not glue — gluten! If you've ever eaten a piece of bread, a slice of pizza, or a bowl of cereal, chances are you have.

    What's Gluten?

            Gluten (say: gloo-tin) is a protein found in wheat, rye, and barley — grains that are in many everyday foods. Most of us eat food with gluten with no trouble. But for some people, eating gluten can cause a reaction in their bodies. Someone who has this problem has celiac (say: see-lee-ak) disease.

            After you eat food, it goes to your stomach, which is part of a group of organs that make up your digestive system. An important part of the digestive system is the small intestine, which is lined with villi (say: vil-eye).

            Villi are usually described as microscopic, finger-like projections. Weird, huh? Fingers in your intestines! But don't forget that they're microscopic, meaning they are extremely small — so small you can't see them without a microscope. The villi are important because they absorb nutrients into the body.

            For someone with celiac disease, eating gluten — in a piece of bread, for instance — causes an immune system reaction. Your immune system ordinarily keeps you from getting sick, but in someone with celiac disease, the body starts damaging and destroying the villi. Without villi, the body can't absorb vitamins and nutrients from food. Without enough nutrients, a kid's body has a tough time staying healthy and growing properly. Even if the person eats a lot, he or she still might lose weight and might develop anemia (say: uh-nee-me-uh) from not absorbing enough iron.

    Rain a lot

    It really rained a lot! Look at the buckets she used.

    This joke comes from Kids Jokes .

    Speeding driver joke for kids

    Speeding driver joke for kids

    A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.
    "Is there a problem Officer?"
    The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
    The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
    "You don't have one?"
    The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
    The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
    "I'm sorry, I can't do that."
    The policeman says, "Why not?"
    "I stole this car."
    The officer says, "Stole it?"
    The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
    At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
    "She's in the boot if you want to see."
    The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show
    up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
    The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
    The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
    "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
    "Murdered the owner?"
    The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
    The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
    The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
    The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
    The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
    The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the
    licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and
    murdered the owner."
    The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

    Thursday, June 13, 2013

    Me and my father

    Me and my father before exam

    Me and my father after results

    Sufficient salary

    Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?

    Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me. But how will you survive?

    5 hours later

    Dad: Son, you'd better pass that exam, or else forget me as your father!!!
    Son: Sure, whatever, dad.

    5 hours later

    Dad: So, how was you exam??
    Son: Who the hell are you?