These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left." Sign in a veterinary's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" Sign on music teachers' door: "Out Chopin." Sign at the electic company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be." Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!" Sign on a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte." Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up." Sign in a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop." |
Monday, July 22, 2013
Actual newspaper headline
School jokes
Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?
Student: Not really.
Answer: Sunbeams!
Question: What object is king of the classroom?
Answer: The ruler!
Computer jokes
Question: Why was the computer so tired when it got home?
Answer: Because it had a hard drive.
Question: Why was the fish afraid of the computer?
Answer: Because it did'nt want to get caught in the net!
Question: Through which windows we cannot get air?
Answer: Through computer windows.
Answer: Because it had a hard drive.
Question: Why was the fish afraid of the computer?
Answer: Because it did'nt want to get caught in the net!
Question: Through which windows we cannot get air?
Answer: Through computer windows.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Teacher and pupil joke
Teacher:Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank!
Pupil:Why,Miss,I only put some in yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet!
Pupil:Why,Miss,I only put some in yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Light Bulb Jokes
Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb.
A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.
Q: How many NASA technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy, and they plan it for two weeks and when they finally get around to it the weather's bad so they postpone it till next week. The lightbulb costs three million dollars.
Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.
Q: How many senior citizens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she pays a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.
Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes eight million years.
Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There's no evidence that the change is due to evolution. What use would a mutation that produced part of a filament be?
Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Evolution can only produce different shapes of light bulbs; it can never change it into an animal.
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, the new one and the old one.
A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.
Q: How many NASA technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy, and they plan it for two weeks and when they finally get around to it the weather's bad so they postpone it till next week. The lightbulb costs three million dollars.
Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.
Q: How many senior citizens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she pays a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.
Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes eight million years.
Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There's no evidence that the change is due to evolution. What use would a mutation that produced part of a filament be?
Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Evolution can only produce different shapes of light bulbs; it can never change it into an animal.
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, the new one and the old one.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Marry devil sister
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to
cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and
hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
www.kidsjokesoftheday.com
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
www.kidsjokesoftheday.com
Kids From Split Families May Be Susceptible To Health Problems Later In Life
Children of divorce may be more susceptible to some health problems later in life, according to a new study.
Researchers at the University College London found that people whose parents split before they reached age 16 had significantly higher levels of C-reactive protein -- a blood marker of inflammation that's associated with greater risk of heart disease and Type 2 diabetes.
The study, published in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology, included samples taken at age 44 from 7,462 people who participated in the longitudinal 1958 National Child Development Study.
Dr. Rebecca Lacey, lead author of the study, explained that disadvantages that arise after divorce -- economic hardships and fewer educational opportunities, for example -- could be to blame for the health disparity rather than the event of the divorce, itself.
"Our study suggests that it is not parental divorce or separation per se which increases the risk of later inflammation but that it is other social disadvantages, such as how well the child does in education, which are triggered by having experienced parental divorce which are important," she said.
This isn't the first time that a link has been found between divorce and children's health. In 2011, researchers found that children of divorce are more likely to contemplate suicide later in their lives than children whose parents remained together.
Click through the slideshow below for even more interesting divorce-related research findings.
From: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/11/divorce-study_0_n_3581413.html
Researchers at the University College London found that people whose parents split before they reached age 16 had significantly higher levels of C-reactive protein -- a blood marker of inflammation that's associated with greater risk of heart disease and Type 2 diabetes.
The study, published in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology, included samples taken at age 44 from 7,462 people who participated in the longitudinal 1958 National Child Development Study.
Dr. Rebecca Lacey, lead author of the study, explained that disadvantages that arise after divorce -- economic hardships and fewer educational opportunities, for example -- could be to blame for the health disparity rather than the event of the divorce, itself.
"Our study suggests that it is not parental divorce or separation per se which increases the risk of later inflammation but that it is other social disadvantages, such as how well the child does in education, which are triggered by having experienced parental divorce which are important," she said.
This isn't the first time that a link has been found between divorce and children's health. In 2011, researchers found that children of divorce are more likely to contemplate suicide later in their lives than children whose parents remained together.
Click through the slideshow below for even more interesting divorce-related research findings.
From: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/11/divorce-study_0_n_3581413.html
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Puns for kids
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
from www.kidsjokesoftheday.com
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
from www.kidsjokesoftheday.com
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