Monday, July 22, 2013

Actual newspaper headline

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
Sign in a veterinary's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Sign on music teachers' door: "Out Chopin."
Sign at the electic company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!"
Sign on a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."
Sign in a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

School jokes

Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?
Student: Not really.

Question: What holds the sun up in the sky?
Answer: Sunbeams!

Question: What object is king of the classroom?
Answer: The ruler!

Computer jokes

Question: Why was the computer so tired when it got home? 
Answer: Because it had a hard drive. 

Question: Why was the fish afraid of the computer?
Answer: Because it did'nt want to get caught in the net!

Question: Through which windows we cannot get air?
Answer: Through computer windows.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Teacher and pupil joke

Teacher:Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank!

Pupil:Why,Miss,I only put some in yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet!

Monday, July 15, 2013

Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb.
A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.

Q: How many NASA technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy, and they plan it for two weeks and when they finally get around to it the weather's bad so they postpone it till next week. The lightbulb costs three million dollars.

Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.

Q: How many senior citizens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she pays a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes eight million years.

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There's no evidence that the change is due to evolution. What use would a mutation that produced part of a filament be?

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Evolution can only produce different shapes of light bulbs; it can never change it into an animal.

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, the new one and the old one.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Funny pictures

Marry devil sister

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"