Emotional Intelligence

Why is emotional intelligence so important in raising a child? Managing anxiety in order to tackle a big project, managing anger to work through a marital conflict, managing fear to apply for a job -- the ability of a human being to manage his or her emotions in a healthy way will determine the quality of his life in a much more fundamental way than his IQ.  In fact, psychologists have come to call this ability EQ, or Emotional Intelligence Quotient.

What are the core components of high EQ?  Emotional self knowledge and self acceptance, sensitivity to the cues of others,  empathy (which can be defined as the ability to see and feel something from the other’s point of view), and the ability to regulate one’s own anxiety in order to talk about emotionally charged issues in a constructive way.

Your child’s EQ begins with her relationship with you.  How can you lay a solid foundation?

1. Hold your infant when she wants you and respond quickly to her cries.  High EQ starts in infancy with the baby's earliest interactions with caregivers, from which she develops feelings of security and trust.
2. Calm your own anxiety.  Almost a hundred years ago, psychologist Harry Stack Sullivan originated the idea that infants pick up anxiety from their parents. Recent research has confirmed that parents' touch, voices, and movements can either soothe a child or stimulate anxiety.

3. Help him learn to self-soothe.  We now know that babies learn to sooth themselves by first having someone else soothe them. From this they gain the experience of their physical and emotional needs as something manageable that can be tolerated. In fact, their nervous systems actually begin to lay the groundwork for self-calming later in life, meaning that babies' brains and nerves don't develop adequately unless they are held and soothed when they're upset.

Infants experience needs that aren't met as life threatening (as unsatiated hunger, or an absent caretaker, actually could be).  Emotions swamp these babies. Without the soothing they need, their nervous systems don't lay down the pathways that would later allow them to soothe themselves.  As toddlers they have a very hard time learning to self soothe or self regulate, because every feeling makes them anxious -– after all, it might lead to a catastrophe -– and escalates.  
In later childhood their feelings of neediness, fear or anger can trigger sweeping anxiety or panic, leading these kids to act out because they can't tolerate their feelings or calm themselves down.
4. Accept and acknowledge your child's emotions. You can (and should) limit his actions as necessary.  Teach kids that they can't choose their feelings any more then they can choose their arms and legs, but they can -- and must -- choose what to do with those feelings.
5. When in doubt, empathize.  Your empathy and acceptance helps your child accept her emotions, which is what allows her to resolve her feelings and move on.  Your empathy teaches her that her emotional life is not dangerous, is not shameful, and in fact is universal and manageable.  She learns that she is not alone.  She learns that even the less pleasant parts of herself are acceptable, which means that she is wholly acceptable.  And she learns to understand and accept herself.

6. Don't try to distract him from his feelings.  And don't shame him when he gets hurt ("A little scratch like that doesn't hurt," "Big boys don't cry."). Acknowledge, empathize, let him show you what happened, give him a little time to process.  Then he'll be ready to move on.

7. Repression doesn’t work.  Disapproving of her fear or anger won't stop her from having those feelings, but it may well force her to repress them.

Repressed feelings don't fade away, as feelings do that have been freely expressed.  Repressed feelings are trapped and looking for a way out.  Because they are not under conscious control, they pop out unmodulated, when a preschooler socks her sister or a seven year old has nightmares or an eleven year develops a nervous tic.

8. Active Listening virtually always helps diffuse intense feelings.  Accepting his feelings and reflecting them does not mean you agree with them or endorse them.  You're showing him you understand.  How? Listen.  Reflect. ("You sure are angry at your brother” “You seem worried about the field trip today.")

9. Help your child learn to problem solve. Most of the time, when kids (and adults) feel their emotions are understood and accepted, the feelings lose their charge and begin to dissipate. This leaves an opening for problem solving. Sometimes, kids can do this themselves.  Sometimes, they need your help to brainstorm.  But resist the urge to handle the problem for them unless they ask you to; that gives kids the message that you don't have confidence in his ability to handle it himself.

10. Handling anger constructively is one of the most important skills you can give your child. When he’s angry, look under the anger for the hurt or fear that his anger is defending against. Remember that he will learn what you model.  Use words, not force.  Don’t let anger escalate.  Breathe so you can keep listening.
11. Model emotional intelligence.  What they see you do is what they will do. Do you start snapping at people when you're under stress?  Have minor tantrums when things go wrong?  Can you stay calm during emotionally charged discussions? Do you empathize when feelings are expressed?  So will they.

12. Intervene before your own feelings get out of hand.  Every time I find myself yelling at one of my children, I realize that the fault is mine.  Not only that I am yelling, but that I didn't intervene in an effective way before yelling was necessary.

My five year old didn't turn off the computer when I asked, and now will be late to bed?  Obviously, she needed me to help her do what was too hard for her to do alone  --  exit the fun program and go brush her teeth.  Then I find myself yelling at her, because it's the fourth time I've asked and it's twenty minutes later.  Anytime you've asked that many times, you aren't being effective, and a different, more involved approach is necessary. 
Whether it's picking up a tired toddler who's dawdling or insisting that your fourteen year old help carry in the groceries, you make it clear you won’t reconsider, but you do it while you're still calm. You maintain the peaceful tone in your house, and you teach them something useful about how to manage themselves.  
If you end up screaming, they just feel picked on.  They learn nothing useful and much that is harmful about how to handle their own feelings when they watch you indulge yours at their expense.
13. Don't undermine your child's emotional self-knowledge.  Respect her feelings about others. If she feels uncomfortable letting Uncle Herman hug her, teach her to shake hands.  When a preschooler refuses a repeat playdate with a playground acquaintance, listen to why, try to assist her in problem solving, but by all means let her make the decisions about who she plays with. Affirm her ability to trust her own feelings, including discomfort she can't really identify.  Children need to make their own decisions about relationships from an early age.

14. Model talking about the hard things. Your child may be challenged by a physical difference, an absent father, a learning disability, being adopted, your impending divorce, or his grandfather's alcoholism.  Or he may simply find it difficult to tell you he is terrified of taking tests at school, or feels like his baseball coach screams all the time or the kids on the school bus tease him.

Every child has issues that he or she is afraid to discuss.  And those are the issues where she most needs your support and guidance.  Of course, you first need to overcome your own discomfort with the issue.

You also need regular times when your child can bring up what’s bothering him.  One great way is to have a few quiet minutes at bedtime in the dark, when you ask kids about their day.  What was great?  What was hard?  It's amazing how the combination of dark and impending bedtime often stimulates reserved children to open up.

Tips for Healthy Children and Families

Eating Better
For Children and Families

1. Start the day with a healthy breakfast. It refuels your body and gives you energy for the day.
2. Let kids help plan one meal each week and eat together as often as possible.
3. Eat slowly. It takes 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full.
4. Eat more vegetables and fresh fruits. Aim for a total of 2 cups of fruit and 2 1/2 cups of vegetables every day.
5. Eat more whole grains (e.g., oats, brown rice, rye, crackers, whole-wheat pasta). Try to eat at least 3 ounces of whole grains every day.
6. Drink plenty of fluids. Choose water, low-fat or nonfat milk and low calorie or diet beverages.
7. Serve a variety of foods.

For Parents

1. Reward children with praise rather than with food.
2. Serve food in smaller portions. Do not demand or reward “a clean plate.” Let your child ask for more if he or she is still hungry.
3. Read nutrition labels for serving size and calorie information. The information on the labels can help you select foods that best fit into your family’s meal and snack plans.
4. Bake, broil or grill foods to reduce fat. Rather than cooking with butter or vegetable oil, try healthier versions like olive, canola or sunflower oil.
5. Snacks should provide nutrients and energy, which are essential for active, growing children.
6. Do not give your child vitamin supplements unless they are recommended by your doctor.
7. Children imitate their parents, so set a good example by eating healthy foods.
8. Keep a variety of snacks in the house, such as fresh fruit, vegetables, whole-grain cereals and crackers. Try lower calorie or lower fat foods, like baked chips, reduced-sugar cereals or low-fat dressings.

Being More Active
For Children and Families

1. Move more. Try to get between 30 and 60 minutes of physical activity every day. Several 10 to 15 minute sessions of moderate activity each day add up.
2. Include regular physical activity into your daily routine. Walk as a family before or after meals.
3. Limit TV, computer and video game time to a total of one to two hours per day. Encourage physical activity instead.
4. Balance energy calories with activity calories. The energy you get from foods and beverages should equal the calories you burn in activity every day. Read our handout on daily calorie needs for more information.
5. Increase household activities (e.g., walking the dog, dusting, vacuuming, gardening). These activities are good ways to burn calories.
6. Include an activity like hiking or bike riding when you go on vacation.
7. Make playtime with your family more active by shooting hoops or walking to the park.

For Parents

1. Move more. Walking is an easy way to be more active every day.
2. Park the car in a spot farther away from the store or your office and walk.
3. Take the stairs instead of the elevator.
4. Get off the bus one stop earlier and walk the rest of the way.
5. Use an exercise machine or lift weights while watching television.
6. Walk to do errands.
7. Be a role model for your children. Do something active every day.

Healthy Habits for Life

1. Write down what you eat: how much, when and why. For example, what do you eat when you're stressed out? Learn more about keeping a food diary here.
2. Record your physical activity: how long, how often and how hard do you work out?
3. Eat only at the kitchen table. Don't drive, watch television or talk on the phone while you eat. This helps you focus on how much you are eating, which can prevent overeating.
4. Put out your exercise clothes the night before as a reminder to walk or work out in the morning.
5. Set goals you can achieve. For example, aim for eating more vegetables and fewer high-calorie foods.
6. Don't "up size" your favorite drink – 32 oz. of regular soda has up to 400 calories! Choose water or a diet drink instead.
7. Eat only until you're not hungry and push the plate away. Don't stuff yourself.
8. Eat only because you're hungry, not because you're bored, tired or stressed. Use alternatives to eating when you're not hungry: take a walk, play a game, read a book or call a friend.
9. Do your grocery shopping on a full stomach. This will help you make healthier food choices, rather than grabbing over-processed high-calorie foods, which can be hard to resist when your stomach is empty.

How Active Are You?

Protecting your Baby from the Sun

If your baby is six months or younger, you’ll need to protect them from direct sunlight at all times. If they’re older than six months, they can handle a litte more sun, but you still need to be very careful as they sunburn a lot faster than adults.

Protecting your baby from the sun will prevent sunburn as well as long-term damage such as premature wrinkles, aging, and more serious effects like melanoma.

As long as you follow these guidelines, you can still venture out into the sun with your baby and enjoy the good weather:

Talk to your doctor about using a sunscreen on your baby. They should be able to recommend one that’s safe, but be sure to test it on a small area of baby’s skin before applying it all over.

It’s best not to be out under the sun between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. when the sun’s rays can be most damaging.

Find a cool, shady spot so your baby is never in direct sunlight. If there isn’t one, an umbrella should work find. Wide brimmed hats will keep the sun off their head and face if you’re walking in the sunshine.

Protect your baby’s eyes with a cute pair of little sunglasses with UV protection. They’re safe as well as adorable if you can manage to keep them on their face long enough.

Keep your baby’s sensitive skin protected with light-colored, tightly woven clothing. Staying away from reflective surfaces such as water and concrete should also help minimize any chance of sunburn.

Tips for taking toddlers to the zoo

10 Toddler Tips

Toddlers can act up sometimes, especially when they are in new places. Here are some tips to make a trip to the zoo more fun and relaxing for the whole family!



Zoo trips can be a lot of fun, but, as you noted, they can also be stressful when you've got a toddler in tow. Here are 10 tips that will help to ensure that the trip is fun for the entire family.

1. Decide on a family color. When you go on outings and have every family member wear T-shirts and ball caps of that color. Try to stick to something bright and eye-catching like yellow, red or green so that each member of the family will stand out in a crowd. That way, if you momentarily let go of your toddler's hand and he disappears from sight, you'll be able to find him again in a flash. 
2. Maintain reasonable parent-kid ratios. One adult per kid is the ideal if you're hitting a busy attraction. Hire a teenager or invite along an extra relative or two if you've got more kids than grown-ups in your group. This is one of those situations where you don't want to be outnumbered. 
3. If your toddler is out of diapers, find the location of the restrooms in the park the moment you walk through the front gates. That way, you'll know exactly where they're located if your toddler needs one in a hurry. Hint: If there's a washroom near the zoo gates, encourage your child to use it before you start exploring the attraction. That should help to eliminate at least one impromptu sprint to the washroom. 
4. Tape your toddler's contact information to the inside of his shoe -- information that could prove invaluable to the zoo or park staff if your toddler were to become separated from you. If you have a cell phone, be sure to include that number, too (and make a point of bringing your phone with you on your outing). 
5. Be realistic about how much of the zoo you intend to take in. If you're visiting a large zoo, you may need to make a number of different trips on different days if you're determined to take in each and every exhibit. Toddlers aren't exactly known for having long attention spans, after all! 
6. Avoid any exhibits that your child is likely to find particularly scary. If, for example, your toddler is deathly afraid of cats, you might want to bypass the lion cage or the tiger exhibit until he's a little older. Petting zoos are always a good bet. 
7. Consider the temperament of your kids. If you've got a toddler who loves to run away, confine that toddler to a stroller or backpack or -- if he insists on walking -- use some sort of toddler harness or safety strap system instead. 
8. Play games or sing songs while you're waiting in line for an exhibit so that your toddler will be less tempted to wander off. More often than not, it's boredom that causes toddlers to wander. 
9. Make a point of bringing an umbrella stroller with you even if your toddler is usually determined to walk. He may welcome the chance to hitch a ride in the stroller after an hour or two of running off steam! Besides, if you've got older children who are frustrated by the way their younger brother dawdles, popping him in the stroller every now and again will allow the rest of the family to pick up the pace a little. 
10. If you're bringing along a picnic lunch to enjoy -- a great way to cut down on the cost of your excursion, by the way, provided you're actually allowed to bring your own food and drinks past the front gates -- make a point of including some frozen juice boxes. They'll help to keep your toddler's sandwich chilled and, as an added bonus, by the time lunchtime rolls around, your child will have an icy cold drink to enjoy. 

Games to Improve Listening Skills for Kids

Activities and Games for the Youngest

Everyone knows reading to your child daily is important, so make it a game like Shout Out. Using a book with a repetitive word, have the child "shout out" whenever they hear the designated word.

One non-reading game to try is Knock, Knock. Place the child in a chair facing away from you and gather their favorite stuffed animals. Using funny voices, have each "animal" knock, then describe itself until the child can guess which animal is knocking.

The Pattern Game is another one to try. Clap your hands in a simple pattern/rhythm, and have the child repeat it. Continue with more complicated patterns/rhythms. (You can even introduce thigh claps or head taps to make the game harder as the child gets better at it.)

Games for Older Children

Older children can try games like Then, which requires two to play. The first child makes a statement that ends in a "then." The next child adds a statement that finishes the sentence: First child: "The boy throws the ball, then..." Second child: "....the ball rolls down the hill."

A tricky one for groups is Stump the Leader. One child is picked out to be the leader. The other children take turns asking the leader questions while picking a word that can't be used. For example, "How old are? You can't say 10" so the leader can say "I'll be 11 on my birthday."

A fun game for kids of all ages is "Who's talking now?" Pick one of the children's favorite television shows. Let them watch a little bit then have them close their eyes. At random points say "Now" and let them tell you who was talking. The kids never notice they are learning to listen.

Listening is an important skill for children to learn. Simple can let them work on those skills with the bonus of getting them away from the television and video games. The skills learned young will follow them to adulthood.

Internet Smarts: Keeping Your Kids Safe Online

The world-wide web is:
a. An extensive library of intellectual treasures
b. A dangerous place for kids
c. An exciting playground for kids
e. A random collection of facts and opinions masquerading as facts, often challenging to distinguish from each other.
f. All of the above. 
The internet world is like a city: jam-packed with information and resources worthy of the finest museums, but also holding menace for the unwary.  You wouldn't let your child wander unsupervised and unprepared in a city.  The risks are very real -- internet predators do lure kids into meeting them, resulting in tragedies that include abduction and murder. So in the same way that you appropriately monitor your child's physical whereabouts, you'll want to supervise your child's internet usage and teach her web smarts, from net ettiquette to web literacy to simple safety. 
Where do you begin?  Online, of course.  Start by educating yourself; then you'll be in a better position to protect and direct your kids. Just remember that while your kids may know more than you do about technology, you know more about life. And you are allowed to set the rules and enforce them. You’re still the parent!
Once you educate yourself, launch into some homeschooling on net safety for your child.  Luckily, there are some great sites for kids to go through to learn cyber safety.  Stay nearby so you can assist -- and learn!

Why Boredom is Good for Your Child

“Mom, I’m bored.”

Makes you feel put on the spot, right?  Most of us feel responsible when we hear this from our children and want to solve this "problem" right away.  We respond to our kids’ boredom by providing technological entertainment or structured activities.   But that's actually counter-productive.  Children need to encounter and engage with the raw stuff that life is made of: unstructured time. 

Why is unstructured time for children so important?

Unstructured time gives children the opportunity to explore their inner and outer worlds, which is the beginning of creativity.  This is how they learn to engage with themselves and the world, to imagine and invent and create.

Unstructured time also challenges children to explore their own passions. If we keep them busy with lessons and structured activity, or they "fill" their time with screen entertainment, they never learn to respond to the stirrings of their own hearts, which might lead them to study the bugs on the sidewalk (as Einstein did for hours), build a fort in the back yard, make a monster from clay, write a short story or song, or organize the neighborhood kids into making a movie.  These calls from our heart are what lead us to those passions that make life meaningful, and they are available to us even beginning in childhood, when we are given free rein to explore and pursue where our interests lead us.

It's also essential for children to have the experience of deciding for themselves how to use periods of unstructured time, or they'll never learn to manage it.  One of our biggest challenges as adults, and even as teenagers, is learning to manage our time well. 

As Nancy H. Blakey said,
“Preempt the time spent on television and organized activities and have them spend it instead on claiming their imaginations. For in the end, that is all we have. If a thing cannot be imagined first -- a cake, a relationship, a cure for AIDS-- it cannot be. Life is bound by what we can envision. I cannot plant imagination into my children. I can, however, provide an environment where their creativity is not just another mess to clean up but welcome evidence of grappling successfully with boredom. It is possible for boredom to deliver us to our best selves, the ones that long for risk and illumination and unspeakable beauty. If we sit still long enough, we may hear the call behind boredom. With practice, we may have the imagination to rise up from the emptiness and answer.” 

Why does "I'm bored" become a constant refrain for so many kids?

Most kids given unstructured time rise to the occasion (after some minor complaining) and find something interesting to do with it.  Kids are always happiest in self-directed play.  That's because play is children's work.  It's how they work out emotions and experiences they've had.  Watch any group of children playing (outside, when screens are not an option) and they will organize themselves into an activity of some sort, whether that's making a dam at the creek, playing "pretend" or seeing who can jump farthest. 

When kids simply can’t find something to do, it’s usually because:

1. They're so used to screen entertainment that they aren’t practiced at looking inside themselves for direction.
2. Their time is always so structured that they aren’t used to finding fun things to do with their “free time.”
3. They need some parental attention.  All kids need to check in with their parents for refueling during the course of the day.

Unfortunately, our society is raising a whole generation of children who are addicted to screens.  That's because electronics (Ipads, phones, computers, game boys) are designed to produce little "dopamine" rewards in our brains as we interact with them.  That's so enjoyable that other experiences pale in comparison. 

But children need all kinds of other experiences, from building with blocks (motor skills, perceptual abilities) to engaging with other kids (learning how to get along and partner with others) to creative pursuits (becoming a doer, not a passive observer).  Children also need to be physically active, or they can't focus to learn.  That's why it's essential to limit screen time.

When children say they are bored, how should we (parents) respond?

First, stop what you’re doing and really focus on your child for five minutes. If you use this time to connect, just chat and snuggle, your child will probably get the refueling he needs and be on his way fairly quickly. 

If he doesn’t pull away from you, and you need to get back to work after a few minutes of fully connecting, consider that maybe he needs a little more time with you.  Most of the time when children are whiny and unable to focus, it's because they need more deep connection time with us.  Offer to involve him in what you’re doing, or take a break from your work and do something together. 

Once you’re confident that your child has a full “love tank,” you can revisit the “what to do” question.  By now, he probably has some ideas for something he’d like to go do.  If not, tell him that figuring out how to enjoy his own time is his job, but you’d be happy to help him brainstorm about possible activities.

What about when kids really do need help coming up with a boredom-busting activity? How can we help...while still making them responsible for staying busy/engaged?

Most of the time, kids left to their own devices end up doing something interesting, but sometimes they really do need our help, especially if she suddenly has more time on her hands than usual, or if you’re newly limiting TV and electronics. (Once kids get used to limitations on TV and electronics, they become good at entertaining themselves, and more creative at play.)

Even if you need to help your child come up with ideas for “what to do,” shift the responsibility to her by creating a Boredom Jar stuffed with ideas written on pieces of paper.  Whenever a child says she’s bored, she picks three pieces of paper from the jar and chooses one of the activities.   Here are some examples of ideas that might be in your Boredom Buster jar.
Make a book of jokes
Build a fort with blankets and pillows
Write your Grandma a letter
Run around the yard three times
Put on some music and dance
Wash the mirror with a sponge
Write down ten things you love about each person in your family
Brush the dog or give her a bath
Find shapes in the clouds
See how many times you can dribble the basketball
Paint or draw a picture
Wash the car
Plan a treasure hunt, with clues
Ride your bike
Make a scene in a cardboard box
Start a journal
Make homemade wrapping paper
Organize your room
Write a story
Create a play with costumes
Cut out pictures from magazines and make a collage
Cut up old holiday cards and make holiday stickers for next year by coating the back with gelatin glue, let dry (dissolve 2 tsp gelatin in 5 tsp boiling water.)
Surprise your mom by making lunch
Make a zoo for your stuffed animals
Make & decorate a calendar of the summer, with important dates marked.
Put juice & cut-up fruit into ice cube trays to make ice cubes.
Create a family newspaper/newsletter
Make dessert
Start a collection (leaves, rocks, buttons)
Hang a clothesline in your room and clip photos to it to make an album
Create a circus performance
Make your room into a rainforest
Make a sculpture from pretzels and peanut butter
Make an obstacle course
Make a placemat (just laminate it at the local copy shop)
Write some limericks or haiku
Decorate an old teeshirt with cool buttons & fabric pens
Start a club
Use old cardboard tubes and boxes to build a marble maze.
Make "funky junk" art out of old jewelry
Read a book
Have a water balloon fight (outside!)
Memorize a poem and recite it for your parents
Make a boat using a plastic soda bottle base & popsicle sticks (use duct tape) for the top, then float it at the pond.
Draw a picture of a desert island with all the things you would want on it
Blindfold your sibling & take them on a tour of your house & yard, then trade places.
Play a board game
Create your own board game
See if you can draw a picture with your foot.
Draw on the sidewalk with chalk
Play hopscotch
Play jumprope
Play with bubbles in the sink
Weed the garden
Make puppets with old socks, buttons & markers.
Make a list of fun things you can do without a grownup
Mix liquid hand soap, cornstarch and food coloring into paint and paint the bathtub.

If it really does seem like there is nothing to do, is using electronics and TV ever an acceptable solution?

The problem with using TV or electronic games to alleviate boredom is that it is one of those temporary solutions that digs you into a deeper hole.  Studies show that kids who regularly use electronics are more likely to feel bored when not doing so than other kids.  Even after eliminating the habit, it can take months for them to find other activities about which they're passionate.  But don't give up -- you're doing their creativity an enormous favor!

If your child can read, there is never "nothing" to do. There is a whole world of books just waiting.  Of course, you will need to schedule a weekly library trip to find wonderful books.  And you will have to "hook" your child on a book by beginning it with her.  Choose a book she can read, but might not choose on her own  -- a simple chapter book, rather than a picture book, for example.   Read together until you have to answer the phone or start dinner, but a minimum of a quarter of the book, so your child is hooked. Then tell her it's time for her read-alone time. It’s her choice.  Does she want to keep reading the book you've just gotten her into, or read something else?  Most kids grab the book and finish it themselves.  (If she doesn't, you may need to drop back a level to a slightly simpler book.) Keep choosing engrossing, slightly harder books.  If you need ideas for fascinating children's  books, there are many wonderful lists online including 5 Star Children's Books.
If your child CAN read but has been reading all day and needs a break, and you have just spent half an hour with her and can't spend more, and there are no playmates around, and your child can't find anything to do in the boredom buster jar, she needs a special project that she can get passionate about.  This is the time to pull out something special you've tucked away.  For me, it was toothpicks, mini marshmallows and gumdrops, which could be fashioned into wonderful sculptures and of course held special appeal because some found their way into little mouths that didn't get much sugar.  This may be a compromise you wouldn't make, but every child has something they would find fascinating for half an hour that you can arrange for those emergency situations.

If your child cannot yet read, but you are available, there are thousands of wonderful things you can do with your child.  You are likely to draw a blank in that moment when your child is whining, so it's worth making a list in advance.  Again, there are many wonderful lists online of parent-child activities.  I highly recommend games that are designed to bring you closer to your child, because these will fill his cup, after which he will be more able to figure out what else to do.  (They also deepen your relationship, which makes kids much more cooperative and makes you both happier.)  Here are some examples: Games to Play with Your Child for Connection & Emotional Intelligence. 
So those times when there really is "nothing" to do are mostly when your child cannot yet read to herself well enough to stay engrossed for an hour, and you are otherwise occupied.  If you can include your child in your activity, your problem is solved.  Small children love to wash windows, cook dinner, help you fold laundry, etc.  If they can't be directly involved (for instance, stirring a pot on the stove or cutting the onions), set them up with a child-sized table in or next to your kitchen, give them a plastic knife and some soft fruit, and let them make a fruit salad for dessert.  You will never see such a proud child.  Or let them "wash" the porch with water while you vacuum inside. Or "clean out" the cupboard where you keep your pots and pans.
If you are doing something that precludes your child helping or even being in the same room, such as sweeping up broken glass, put on some music.  Most preschoolers and toddlers love music, and will happily dance to it, or march around beating a rhythm on a pot, and singing to the music.  Of course, that's not a quiet activity!

But let's assume you are doing something where they can't be involved, such as nursing the baby to sleep, and your toddler or preschooler needs to be kept busy and quiet.  Preschoolers can often happily occupy themselves for an hour with water or sand (set them up in the bathroom with a baby bathtub of water, ice cubes, pouring toys, etc, or a small plastic tub of sand with small toys), and if you have a monitor, you will be able to hear if he needs you.  
Another wonderful option is a book on tape or cd.  A good one will mesmerize your child, and unlike visual screens, they stimulate the imagination and encourage a love of books and stories.
But the real issue with young children is that they need supervision.  In such a case, when you can't supervise them, is it so terrible to put your two or three year old in front of a screen for half an hour? Of course not.   Choose a tape that is limited in length so there's a natural ending to eliminate fights when you turn it off, and to keep your child from seeing commercials.  Give your child something to look forward to afterwards ("Once the baby is asleep, you and I will spend some special time together").  And just be sure you turn off the screen once you're available, rather than taking advantage of it to finish "just one more thing" on your computer!