Nurturing Your Child's Creativity

“Preempt the time spent on television and organized activities and have them spend it instead on claiming their imaginations. For in the end, that is all we have. If a thing cannot be imagined first -- a cake, a relationship, a cure for AIDS-- it cannot be. Life is bound by what we can envision.
I cannot plant imagination into my children. I can, however, provide an environment where their creativity is not just another mess to clean up but welcome evidence of grappling successfully with boredom. It is possible for boredom to deliver us to our best selves, the ones that long for risk and illumination and unspeakable beauty.
If we sit still long enough, we may hear the call behind boredom. With practice, we may have the imagination to rise up from the emptiness and answer.”-- Nancy H. Blakey
Creativity might be defined as putting things together in novel ways, or seeing the world, or a given problem, with fresh eyes. All of us need access to creativity to solve the problems of daily life, and I believe that everyone is creative, although some people are born with talent in certain mediums: an artist’s eye, for instance, or perfect pitch, or a writer’s way with words.
We can’t give people talent, but we can train the eye and the ear and the mind, and we can help our children gain access to a creative way of seeing. We can also help them gain the concentration, competence, perseverance, and optimism necessary to succeed in creative pursuits.
Recent studies examining creativity have surprised researchers. The researchers began with the assumption that the kids recommended by their art teachers as most creative would be the “artist types” -- offbeat, disorganized kids who performed more poorly in other classes at school. They were wrong.
High School art teachers named as most creative the same kids who excelled at getting their work done in other classes. These kids exhibited concentration during demonstrations of technique, the competence to plan their projects, the optimism to take the risk of a more difficult or original idea, and the perseverance to put in the extra time required to do a thorough job completing the project. While this does not speak to talent, it highlights the point that putting creativity to use in the world requires the same qualities of competence addressed elsewhere on this site. It also implies that the same parenting that helps kids become emotionally healthy encourages creativity.
So how do you help your child develop his creativity?
1. Neatness is over-rated.  Whether it’s because they’re afraid to get their hands dirty, or because they can’t leave their art supplies visible and easily accessible, or because they live by too many rules and don’t think outside the box, kids who live in households with a focus on neatness are rated as less creative. As Ms. Frizzle of the Magic Schoolbus says, “Take Chances! Get Messy!”
2. Children who experience frequent limits train themselves to think inside the box. Babies should learn NO about safety issues, like the stove. But otherwise, you want her to see the world as full of possibilities. Why NOTlet your baby empty the bookcase, or the kitchen cabinet? Why shouldn’t she “paint” the patio with a paintbrush and a pail of water?
3. Focus on play and process, not productivity. When kids do art to solicit positive comments from adults, sometimes they can’t wait to finish another picture. Obviously, it isn’t how many pictures they produce, it’s how engaged they are in the process. If you affirm how hard they’re working on that picture, they don’t have to rush through it to the next one for your approval.
4. Give your child permission to be different. Inventive, original kids are often seen as different by other kids. A little wacky, perhaps, or just plain odd. Make it okay for your child to be out of step with the norms of her peer group, to be unique, to see the world through her own glasses. To develop her individuality, she needs your support against the pressures of popular culture.
You’ll probably have to start by confronting your own fears about her not being “popular.” Don’t worry, at the high school reunion, it’s commonplace to find that the nerd has become a self-made millionaire, and that odd, silent girl is now a famous novelist.
5. Let toddlers experiment with manageable messes that they help clean up. Examples: water on the kitchen floor, bubbles on the porch, watercolors or chalk on the sidewalk (just get out the hose), food coloring in an unbreakable bowl with almost anything (snow, whipped cream, cornstarch or water).  My daughter at age four loved breaking eggs to see what was inside; we occasionally let her smash them into a bowl.
6. Establish a place for art supplies early on, that is both easily accessible and neat. It should include drawers or bins for washable markers, paper, clay, and anything else you feel comfortable adding as your children get older (beads, collage materials, stamps and inkpads, etc.) I don’t suppose I need to say this, but coloring books don’t exactly foster creativity, plain paper is infinitely better. Blocks, with their infinite possibilities, generally offer more creative play opportunities than more sophisticated building materials.  Many four year olds can build with blocks for hours every day; it helps develop mathematical, spatial and problem-solving abilities.
7. Make creative art play easy. If your child can initiate art activities without your help, he’s more likely to create art when the spirit moves him. The best gift we ever received was a small plastic tray for children to put their paper in as they work, but a designated cookie sheet with a rim works just as well. (You’ll need one for each kid, and to wash them after messy projects.) Kids can do art with no worry, since crayon marks, glitter, play dough, etc all have a contained space. You still need rules (“Playdough stays on the tray”, “Mom has to supervise pouring the glitter” “We always put newspaper down when we paint”) but creative arts become more a part of your child's everyday life, as they become "his."
8. Help your budding artist stay centered. From Vincent van Gogh to Sylvia Plath, the stereotype of artists being mentally imbalanced pervades western culture. It's possible that these examples of talent paired with emotional disturbance are simply coincidence.  It's also possible that the agony of a painful childhood expresses itself best through art.  It's possible that people who break with society to follow their own drummer are more likely to come unmoored.  And it may even be  possible, as some spiritual adepts say, that people who open themselves fully to the creative energy of the universe, without the emotional and spiritual maturity to handle it and without the guidance of a spiritual teacher, can be driven crazy.
Regardless, it can be argued that creative people may well need extra help to learn how to stay centered. You can protect your budding artist by helping her develop structures that support her.
Some ideas: Help her regulate her body clock so she doesn’t stay up all night painting. Teach her to meditate. Be sure she gets enough physical exercise to stay grounded. Promote a balanced diet sans caffeine. Introduce her to artists who have healthy, balanced lives, whether through biographies or movies or in the flesh.  Make sure you’re there when she wants to talk.
And most important, introduce your child to the time-honored idea that creativity comes THROUGH us, not FROM us.  The idea of the muse, of spirit looking for an artist to record that snatch of beauty to share with humanity, removes much of the stress of performance that otherwise dogs creative people.  It also moderates the highs (which lead to arrogance) and lows (fear, shame, self-doubt) that pervade the creative life.  
9. Don’t be afraid of boredom. Parents often respond to kids’ boredom by providing structured activities or technological entertainment. But unstructured time challenges kids to engage with themselves and the world, to imagine and invent and create. Kids need practice with unstructured time, or they will never learn to manage it.
Even more important, children need empty time to explore their inner and outer worlds, which is the beginning of creativity. So how to respond when kids complain that they’re bored? Help them brainstorm about possible activities, but make it clear that it’s their job to figure out how to enjoy their own time.
A crucial tip: It helps enormously to prevent kids from depending on TV or computer to entertain them. Kids who regularly use the TV or computer are more likely to feel bored than other kids, and even after eliminating the habit it can take months for them to find other activities about which they are passionate.
"The artist is not a special kind of person; rather each person is a special kind of artist." -- Ananda Coomaraswamy 

How to Keep Your Child from Developing an Eating Disorder

      In this culture, with its emphasis on thinness and junk food consumption, 23% of girls and 6% of boys have eating disorders. Parents have a lot more power than they realize in this area, but it needs to start early. Intervening in adolescence, when kids need to assert their right to control their own bodies, is tricky and less effective. What can you do to prevent your kids from developing eating disorders?


1. Commit yourself to model good eating habits. Face it.  Whatever you do, they’ll do. If you drink soda, they'll drink soda. If you snack on that ever-present bowl of carrots, so will they. This may seem like a life sentence to drudgery, but your increased health, vitality and good looks will reward you as much as your children asking for more carrots.
2. Learn the latest in nutrition. The percentage of overweight Americans has more than doubled over the past century and has continued to rise, accompanied by similar rises in incidence of heart disease. Contributors include our sedentary lifestyle, large food portions, and our evolutionary propensity to eat (and store) extra food in times of plenty just in case lean times are around the corner.
But nutritionists increasingly suspect that over-processed foods are the biggest culprit. Consumption of saturated fat has actually decreased during this period of extreme weight gain, while consumption of processed foods has increased dramatically.  Designed to last during long periods of storage and shipping, and with taste rather than nutrition in mind, foods with hydrogenated oils, preservatives, corn syrup and carbohydrates stripped of their nutrients are simply bad for our bodies.  They create chronic disease as we get older.  But they start, even in childhood, by making us fat.
3. Don't talk about dieting.  In fact, don't diet, just eat healthfully, and make exercise and automatic part of life for everyone in the family.  Dieting, research tells us, doesn’t work; dieters regain the weight, and losing it the next time is even harder.  Only long-term healthy eating helps people not only lose weight, but keep it off.
4. Don't make your child self-conscious by commenting on it if you notice that your she's becoming a bit pudgy.Instead, ratchet up the physical activity level and decrease the fat and sugar content of the family diet. If you decide that your child needs to lose some weight, put the whole family on a healthy eating program.  Changing food habits is challenging to anyone, and to expect a child to give up treats that others in the house are eating is simply unreasonable.
5. Throw out the junk food and don't stock treats except for special occasions.  It’s bad for everyone in the family.  And if kids see others eating it, it’s too hard for them to resist. They’ll eat what’s around, and sneak it if they have to. Many teenage girls get started on a bulimic pattern by sneaking their parents’ ice cream and then vomiting.
6. Keep trying to get them to eat their veggies.  No self respecting child tries a new food the first time she sees it. But eventually, she’s likely to. That’s why kids who are exposed to more foods are more sophisticated eaters. Studies show that the major predictor in children’s willingness to eat a food is familiarity.
7. Discuss with sitters what your child may eat.  Being rigid will set up forbidden fruit, which will only sabotage your efforts, but an otherwise healthy diet can easily be overwhelmed by chips and soda every afternoon.
8. If you live in the city, make up for it by insisting on exercise every weekend.  Kids who can’t go outside put on more weight.
9. Nurse your baby to reduce his chances of being overweight as an adult.
10. Reduce TV use.  Children who watch two hours of television each day are much more likely to grow into overweight adults with high cholesterol.   It may be that advertising has as much to do with this correlation as inactivity.  US obesity specialist David Ludwig says recent research strengthens the case for a ban on food advertising aimed at children: "In an era when childhood obesity has reached crisis proportions, the commercial food industry has no business telling toddlers to consume fast food, soft drinks and high-calorie low-quality snacks -- all products linked to excessive weight gain." Did you know that in most countries, it's illegal to market to kids, including with TV ads?

Why TV Undermines Academics & Values

You recommend that kids don't watch much, if any, TV.  Why?  
Because TV is addictive, and like all addictions, it has a high cost that we usually avoid acknowledging. Research shows that people who don't watch TV are happier and healthier, have better self-esteem, and are less fearful. 
Females who don't watch TV have a healthier body image.  This is all even more true for kids, because TV has a bigger impact on them. Not surprisingly, families who watch less TV are closer, and kids who see less TV become sexually active at a later age.  
But let's start with reading. We know that kids who love to read do better in school.  Virtually all parents say they want their children to love reading, but most kids stop reading books that aren't assigned in school by middle school.  Only 28 percent of eighth graders score at or above the proficiency level in reading; in fact, only two percent of them read at an advanced level.  What happens?
TV and reading are linked: Research shows that the more TV kids watch before the age of eight, the less they read after the age of eight.  Of course, that's a correlation, so it doesn't prove that one leads to the other, but most researchers are convinced. If you want your children to be readers, don't let them get addicted to TV and videos. Time spent on the one activity precludes the other.  And once kids develop the habit of TV, they are less likely to seek out books of their own accord. Books -- which are more work -- just can't compete with the lure of the screen.
So no TV or videos at all? Isn't that a little extreme? 
My position on TV might be considered unusual by most people in the U.S., where TV watching is so constant in most households. My view is that kids should watch as little as possible, so that it is a special occasion, like going to a movie, rather than a daily habit.  My wish for every child is that reading should become a daily habit.  Once the habit of reading is ingrained, it can compete with electronic media and it's ok to introduce TV sparingly, so kids have some clue what their friends are talking about.
But when children are little, before they can read, TV is ok?
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under the age of two not watch TV or videos at all, and that older children watch only one to two hours per day AT MOST of nonviolent, educational TV without advertising.
My own view is that 2-8 year olds should watch only occasional TV, so it doesn't become a habit.  TV actually changes the way kids' brains develop, and shortens their attention spans for other activities.  It also changes our brain chemistry, at least temporarily, and for some people that can be addictive. Kids have lots of developmental tasks, from playing with other kids to building block towers, and TV can keep kids from those tasks.
I don't think any parent would disagree that children under the age of eight should not be watching any violent TV.  There is substantial research confirming that the more commercial TV children watch, the more likely they are to exhibit aggression with other children.
Isn't public television ok?  
I know there's some very good programming on public TV.   But even public TV sets up the passive habit of watching and starts the addiction.  By the time he's eight, if not much earlier, he won't be watching only public TV anymore.  44% of children and virtually all teens report watching different programs when their parents are not around.  Most parents have given up trying to control what their kids watch by the time they're ten.  And while ten year olds should have some control over their own viewing, most parents of ten year olds agree that they want to set some limits.  
Also, habitual TV, even educational TV, limits the child's own innate imagination.  Preschool teachers say they always know the kids who watch a lot of TV, because those kids don't seem capable of making up original stories -- their internal world is populated by TV heroes and plots. 
So if you need an occasional babysitter, is public TV ok?  Of course.  But if you set up a regular relationship with it, remember that your child isn't just developing a relationship with public TV, but with TV in general.
Doesn't Sesame Street teach children to read? 
I know that kids can learn their letters from Sesame Street.  But kids whose parents read to them daily actually learn to read earlier than kids who have the poor substitute of Sesame Street.  Kids learn vocabulary mostly from the conversations they have with us; it's an active usage learning rather than a passive learning.
So of course I will read to and talk to my child.  But doesn't Sesame Street help?
Sesame Street may actually be bad for kids.  There is some evidence that the quick cutting that toddlers get used to as they view it is bad for their attention spans, but in the general scheme of risk factors, I wouldn't rank Sesame Street very high.
Bottom line, though, in my view, is that the downside of the addiction isn't worth it.  I don't know a single child who started with Sesame Street and did not go on to "harder stuff,"  and that stuff -- commercial TV -- has been proven to be a risk factor, because of the violence, the sex, the destructive messages about what's an acceptable way to look, and of course the ads. Just the habit of watching TV at all is a risk factor.  But I do know many children who never watched Sesame Street, because TV watching just wasn't something their families did.  Every one of them is a precocious reader, an excellent student, and a creative person who pursues his or her own passions in life, from creative writing to athletics to art.
But how awful to constantly have to tell your kids they can't watch TV.
Actually, if it has never been part of their world at home, younger kids are unlikely to ever ask, even if they see TV at friends' houses. I personally decided it would be worse for me to have the constant struggle of setting limits around TV watching, than to simply leave it out of our lives. In our family, that was the right decision and we didn't miss it.  Of course, every family is different.  And kids change as they get older; some kids will ask to watch what their friends are watching when they reach age ten or so, and you may decide to let them watch at that point.   
What do I do without TV to occupy my child?  I can't imagine. 
You wouldn't let your child do other self-destructive things just to keep him busy.  So why TV?  But actually kids who have never watched TV are much more resourceful about keeping themselves entertained, because they are used to it.  I have never seen a toddler who wasn't busy.  And busy toddlers who don't watch TV grow into busy preschoolers who are engaged with the world and don't complain about being bored.
The kids I know who didn't grow up watching TV learned to structure their own time.  They all became voracious readers, but they don't only read, of course.  They are generally more physically active.  They tend to be more creative, whether writing songs or building zoos for their toy animals.  And they certainly don't need entertaining all the time, because they haven't gotten used to being entertained. 
This may all be true, but sometimes I need to put my toddler in front of the screen while I tend to the baby. There is no other option.
Of course. Some moms tell me they use it every Sunday morning so they can have sex with their husbands. We've all used the screen to occupy our children sometimes.  But occasional use is very different than a daily habit.
One option is to keep a stash of movies that you feel good about. That way, the child doesn't get used to TV episodes, and because he sees the movies over and over, usually he doesn't find them so appealing that he will give up building towers to watch.  Of course, given the nature of addiction, toddlers can still howl for the same movie over and over. 
I watched TV and it didn't hurt me.  
This is not your mom's TV.  Seriously, the level of violence is up dramatically.  The constant commodification of sex now was unthinkable in the relatively prudish days of our childhoods.  The commercial messages are developed with extensive research to be as insidious as possible.  And, by the way, most parents have some issues around their bodies that come partly from all the media images we see.  So unless you can say that you completely love and accept your body exactly as it is, you might not be as unaffected by TV as you think.
But I love to watch TV with my child. It gives me ideas to talk about with her.
One of the most positive things I can say about TV is that it is a bonding experience for many parents and teens or middle-schoolers, and I am not against using it that way. I would ask yourself, though, if that's an excuse. Families who don't watch TV talk more than families who do.
Ok, I just love TV.  That's how I relax. I am not about to give it up.
If you love TV for yourself, fine -- watch it after the kids go to bed. You can tape any show you want and watch in private. But that doesn't mean you need to get your child addicted to TV or exposed to the messages in the shows you like.  I was appalled by recent research showing that half of all American adults would not give up TV for under a million dollars.  The other half wouldn't give it up at all!  (I guess those of us who would give it up are so few as to be statistically insignificant!) That to me is the essence of addiction: the unwillingness to give up a behavior that puts bad stuff into your body or mind, and uses up resources (time or money) you would like to use on other things that would help you to flourish.  Virtually every parent says that one of the biggest problems in his or her life is lack of time, and yet most people spend some of that precious time on TV.
I guess I am not convinced that TV is so harmful to me, or my kids, if used judiciously. 
Obviously, commercial TV is what is really harmful, not public television. And the more TV, the worse the effects. So there is no question that judicious use is a whole lot better than daily use.  But since TV is addictive, usage increases over time.  And we all lie to ourselves about how bad our addictions are. 
And let's face it: even moderate TV use can't be considered GOOD for your  child.  We've already discussed the fact that preschoolers who watch TV are rated as less creative by their teachers. Did you know that elementary school kids who watch TV have more fears than kids who don't, and that the same is true of their parents?  That middle schoolers who watch TV are much more likely to be sexual with other kids?  That the more TV teens watch, the more likely they are to be sexual earlier, and the more likely they are to have body image issues and eating disorders?  
It sounds like you're lumping two year olds in with teenagers!
Most of the time, two year olds who get used to watching TV become eight year olds who like to watch TV who become fifteen year olds who like to watch TV.  I personally would rather have my fifteen year old watch minimal TV, because research shows that the more TV people watch, the less healthy they are physically and emotionally.  But obviously a fifteen year old is deciding what to do with his own time most of the time.  And that's the real point:  kids who start out with the habit of TV usually retain it as an important part of their lives and are influenced by it at each stage.  And the more TV teens watch, the less healthy they are emotionally.  (I admit that this is a chicken or egg dilemma, of course.)
What about computer games?  Those seem different; my child doesn't just zone out, she is engaged and I think she is learning arithmetic!
I feel less strongly against computer games than TV,  because they engage the brain more, because there are no commercials, and because the parent theoretically can control which games their children use.  However, kids may start out with a Harry Potter game at age six and end up with Grand Theft Auto when they're twelve.  And computer games are, if anything, even more addictive.  
Certainly they aren't physically addicting, you must mean kids just love them? 
Very sophisticated testing is done on games to insure that they are physically addictive.  They're designed to stimulate the user's adrenalin and other neurotransmitters.  Your body is bathed in chemicals as soon as you sit down to enjoy them.  That's physical addiction.  Often, people crave time in front of their computers with a physical craving akin to a food craving.  So typically, kids' usage of games increases as they get older and they're in front of computers for homework.
I have heard that kids can develop carpal tunnel.
Computers are a huge public health risk for today's children, who are being subjected as guinea pigs to computer use on a huge scale.  There is some evidence that they are laying the foundation of carpal tunnel type injuries, and that too much screen time impacts their eyes.  But we don't know enough yet to issue comprehensive warnings and most parents are unaware of these things.  
Ok, let's go back to TV.  I am concerned that if I deny them TV, my kids will be pariahs in their peer group.  They will have no way to relate to other kids.
I know lots of kids who don't watch TV.  They find ways to relate to other kids.  Hopefully, TV does not completely dominate kids lives, does it?  Some of them do find it challenging within their peer group not to know much about TV, although usually those kids make up for their lack of TV knowledge with their extra creativity and their well-read minds.  However, once reading is established, I am not against small quantities of TV, such as watching a specific popular weekly show just so they'll know what the other kids are talking about.  
My own daughter never watched TV until she was ten, unless she was home sick from school.  At that point, she began to feel left out when kids at school  discussed TV, and I gave her carte blanche to watch on weekends once her homework was done, as long as the shows seemed appropriate for her age.  For about a year, she taped shows during the week, and watched occasionally on weekends.  After that, she lost interest.  Now 13, she spends her free time reading and writing short stories.
So your daughter did ask to watch TV when she got to be ten? 
Yes, I think kids that age start being more concerned with what their peers are discussing, and it's hard for them to be different.  My son never watched TV when he was little and didn't get interested in it until he was 17, when he and I began renting old episodes of West Wing to watch together.  When we finished West Wing, we moved on to Battlestar Galactica.  These are both shows that offer great opportunities for discussions about ethics, so I loved watching them with him.  And of course I'm not concerned that he'll develop a TV addiction at this point.  That happens before kids are ten. 
I should add, though, that my son is now a movie fan.  And I have to admit that he loves his computer games -- he moonlights on a web team designing a game -- and limiting his time on them is our biggest source of conflict.
If your son is a movie fan, he must be watching movies on TV?
Even when he was young, if he requested to see a movie, we took him. And we have always rented movies and watched them together as a family.  It gives the parents control over which movie, and the opportunity to talk with kids about whatever comes up during the movie.  Of course, by the time my son was 15, he was going with friends to movies, and he began making his own choices about renting movies, including movies I find overly violent.  But he is capable of deciding what he can handle.  
Reading is great.  But I don't want to raise a nerd.  I want my kids to be well-rounded.  Depriving kids of TV seems like such a hard line position.
I know it seems that way if you love to watch TV.  But my kids say they never felt deprived, or like they were "not allowed" to watch TV, just that it wasn't something our family ever did. They're known as kids who read a lot, but they also play sports, act in the school plays, etc, so they're hardly social outcasts. Well rounded, in my view, means developing their bodies, intellects, social skills, spirituality, and emotional intelligence.  I don't think watching folks bump each other off on TV would help them be any better rounded than they are. In fact, I think it would cut into their athletic and creative pursuits.
But what do you do when you're watching and they're around? 
It may sound strange, but I have never turned on our TV unless there's a news crisis or someone I know is being interviewed. I always have too much else I'd rather do. If I just want to chill out, I read.  Or I sit and meditate, which always rejuvenates me.  I realize that wouldn't work for everyone, but our house is a lot more pleasant without TV.  I am grateful to be able to minimize the violent and manipulative images that go into all of our minds.
Do you mean no one at your house watches the news?
My husband, son and I read the daily newspaper, and various magazines. We listen to NPR. We only watch the TV news for a reason -- election returns, a major crisis, presidential debates.  Until my daughter was about 12, I shielded her from the worst crises.  I still have images from various crises in my memory that I'm glad she doesn't have in hers.  
Surely 11 is old enough to know what's going on in the world?
We have talked our kids' whole lives at the dinner table about what's going on in the world.  What is gained by a child watching sensationalistic news reports about  people hurt or dying?  Studies show that kids who watch TV news are harmed by it -- they become more fearful.  Actually, studies show that even adults who watch TV news believe the world is a more dangerous place than it actually is, but that's a different discussion.
We began this discussion with the question of why TV has been proven to be bad for kids' academic performance.  But we're gotten into the question of TV as a lifestyle. Do you recommend that people throw out their TVs?
I can't give advice for other adults.  But I would say that limiting kids' TV use is simple protective parenting, just like limiting their dessert intake. TV is not neutral.  TV is a powerful teacher, and what it has been proven to teach is directly opposed to my values. TV is designed to manipulate and exploit children.  I probably don't need to remind you that the folks who make TV, even the news shows, are not doing it for our benefit, but to get viewers so they can sell those viewers to advertisers.  That's their product -- the viewers they attract and sell.   
I did not want my growing children -- or myself -- exposed to infinite numbers of murders, constant urges to buy, and unlimited inappropriate sexual and sexist messages.  I've read the research, and it's convincing.   TV has a bad effect on viewers, and the younger kids are, the worse the effect.
Can you tell us about the research?
A 17-year-long study found that teenage boys who grew up watching more than an hour of TV each day are four times more likely to commit acts of violence than those who watched less than an hour a day.
A 22-year-long study found that watching lots of TV violence at age eight was linked to more aggressive behavior at ages 19 and 30 years. 
91 percent of children say they feel "upset" or "scared" by violence on television. In a random survey of grade school kids, 37% of the kids said they were frightened or upset by a TV story in the previous year.  Their symptoms included bad dreams, anxious feelings, being afraid of being alone, withdrawing from friends, and missing school. 
Former US Surgeon General David Satcher has stated that "repeated exposure to violent entertainment during early childhood causes more aggressive behavior throughout a child's life." 
The American Psychological Association says that children who regularly watch violence on television are more fearful and distrustful of the world, less bothered by real-world violence, and slower to intervene or call for help when they see fighting or destructive behavior. After watching violent programs, the APA reports, children are more likely to act out aggressively, and children who are regularly exposed to violent programming show a greater tendency toward hitting, arguing, leaving tasks unfinished, and impatience. 
And if the violence and dulling of creativity aren't bad enough, there are the self esteem issues. Every child who watches commercial TV is bombarded with advertising messages that have been designed, sparing no cost, to convince us that we need to buy a product to feel good about ourselves and have a good life. We all know that ads are effective in getting kids to pester parents for products, what we don't see directly is what they do to self esteem. 
Many studies have shown that girls who watch TV feel worse about their bodies and have lower self esteem in general.
In a study of elementary school children, Caucasian kids who watched more violent TV programs believed that African-American kids were less competent and less obedient.
There are health effects, too.  Many TV ads encourage unhealthy eating habits.  Two-thirds of the 20,000 TV ads an average child sees each year are for food, and most are for high-sugar foods. 
While watching TV, the metabolic rate seems to go even lower than during rest.  This means that a person burns fewer calories while watching TV than when just sitting quietly, doing nothing.  
A long-term study found a link between television, MTV, and alcohol consumption among teens. Other research has shown that those who watch more TV are also more likely to smoke cigarettes and marijuana
One survey revealed that 76% of teenagers indicated that one reason young people have sex is because TV shows and movies make it seem more normal for their age group.
      Here are some additional facts from the National Institute on Media and the Family:
 • American children, ages 2-17, watch television on average almost 25 hours per week or 3+ hours a day. Almost one in five watch more than 35 hours of TV each week (Gentile & Walsh, 2002).
• 28% of children's television shows contain four or more acts of violence (Woodward, 1999).
• One in five E/I (educational/informational) designated children's programs was found to have little or no educational value (Woodward, 1999).
• 99% of American families have TV sets, with the average family owning 2.75 sets (Annenberg Public Policy Center, 1999).
• 44% of children and teens report watching different programs when their parents are not around (Strasburger & Donnerstein, 1999).   
• Twenty percent of 2- to 7-year-olds, 46% of 8- to 12-year-olds, and 56% of 13- to 17-year-olds have TVs in their bedrooms (Gentile & Walsh, 2002).
• During the 1998/1999 television season the prime time evening hours was the most popular time slot for children ages two to eleven to watch TV.  (Barron's, 1999).

Raise a Smart Kid Who Loves to Learn

How can you raise a smart child who loves to learn? Many people believe that intelligence is static; either you're smart or you're not. But it turns out that intelligence is like a muscle: it can be developed with use. What's more, if you believe that's true, your brain has more potential!Stanford researcher Carol Dweck ran an experiment with junior high schoolers. If they helped the kids to think they could develop their intelligence, would the kids' math grades improve?

In less than two hours over eight weeks, they taught the students concepts such as: Your brain is like a muscle that can be developed with exercise; just as a baby gets smarter as it learns, so can you. The results were astonishing: the brain-is-a-muscle students significantly outperformed their peers in a math assessment, without additional math teaching.

So our goal as parents is to raise kids who believe in their ability to build mental muscle. These kids are perpetual learners -- they can learn what they need to in new situations and are always curious to learn more.

Although intelligence is often equated with scores on IQ tests, most scholars now believe that IQ tests assess only part of a person’s intelligence. Traditional IQ tests basically measure the child's retention of verbal and mathematical knowledge. Unfortunately, this limited dimension is then equated with the child's intellectual potential.

Experts also question the obsession in our culture with pushing children to read or achieve academically before kindergarten age. Toddlers and preschoolers have other, more critical work to do, from building with blocks, to playing with rhythm and color, to learning how to get along with their peers.Even Verbal and Logical Intelligence actually begin with talking and wondering, when kids participate in thousands of everyday conversations about life. That's why kids who are lucky enough have quality discussions with parents as toddlers and preschoolers do better as they make their way through school. (Such quality discussions are not the norm with daycare and nannies, unfortunately.)

Dr. Howard Gardner describes seven different kinds of intelligence that are important in human functioning, all of which kids need an opportunity to develop:

Verbal Intelligence

Bodily / Kinesthetic Intelligence

Logical/Mathematical Intelligence

Musical Intelligence

Interpersonal Intelligence

Intrapersonal Intelligence

Visual / Spatial Intelligence


Our job as parents? Encourage our kids’ natural curiosity and strengths, from dancing to reading to drawing. And make sure our kids know they can choose how smart they are – it’s intellectual lifting that builds brainpower.


“In times of change learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to work in a world that no longer exists.”-- Eric Hoffer

Tips to Help Your Toddler Develop Social Skills

One of the most important tasks in parenting toddlers is helping them learn to manage their emotions, which is the foundation of interpersonal relationships. This skill set is more critical to their happiness in life than school performance or any of our other conventional measures. In fact, emotional intelligence — defined as the ability to manage one’s own emotions and relate well with others — will be a crucial factor throughout their lives in not only relationships but academic and career success.
1. Empathize, Empathize, Empathize.Kids who receive a lot of empathy for their own feelings from the adults in their lives are the earliest to develop empathy for others, and research has shown that empathy for others is the cornerstone of successful interpersonal relationships.
2. Don’t force toddlers to share; it actually delays the development of sharing skills!Kids need to feel secure in their ownership before they can share. Instead, introduce the concept of taking turns. (“It’s Crystal’s turn to use the bucket. Then it will be your turn.”)
3. Before friends come over, toddlers should have a chance to put away their most special toys if they don’t want anyone else to play with them. Use that ritual as an opportunity to explain that the visiting child will of course expect to play with Junior’s other toys, just as Junior plays with his friends’ toys at their houses. Another useful tactic is for the parent to keep a chest of “Mom and Dad’s toys.” Junior is allowed to use them, of course, because Mom and Dad share, so Junior sees useful modeling. Equally important, Junior won’t feel as possessive about sharing them with visitors, because they aren’t his.
4. Set clear limits on physical acting out. “I know you’re mad, but we don’t hit. Use your words. Use this marker and paper and draw me a picture of how mad you are. We can go in the bathroom and shut the door and scream about how mad you are. You can throw pillows at the couch as hard as you want. But no hitting and no biting.”Kids are entitled to their feelings, which have a way of just showing up in human beings, like our arms and legs. But all humans, even little ones, should be held responsible for what they do with their arms and legs and feelings. Our job as parents is to teach them healthy self-management techniques.
5. It’s never too early to give children language for their feelings. Labeling emotion is the first step in managing it. “That big dog’s bark is scary, but you’re safe on this side of the fence and I would never let it hurt you. You don’t need to be afraid.” “It’s so frustrating when you work hard on your tower and it collapses like that. No wonder you’re angry.” “You wish you had a truck just like Jeremy’s. It’s hard to give it back when it’s his turn. Here, let’s make a road for the truck with the snowplow, and then we can have another turn with the truck on our new road.”
6. Remember that underneath anger is always hurt or fear.Acknowledging those feelings is always more effective to diffuse anger than simply labeling the anger, which just seems to reinforce it. “I hear you’re very angry at Jimmy. I wonder if you’re hurt that he wants to play with someone else right now.”
This is even more important when kids say “I hate him!” because hate is not a feeling; it’s a stance. “You feel so angry at your brother right now that you feel like you hate him. Sometimes when we are very, very angry, we feel that way, even toward people we love. Let’s go tell your brother how hurt you are that he pushed you off the swing, and how angry that makes you feel.”
7. Model working through difficulties. When she’s mad at her friend, for instance, you can say “I know you’re really mad at Maria right now, but friends sometimes get mad and then they work things out. We can talk about how you might work things out with Maria when you feel ready.”
8. Begin introducing the concept of noticing how other people feel as early as you can.“Look at Michael. He’s crying. I think you hurt his feelings.” “That little girl is sure mad. I wonder why?” “Neela hurt herself. I wonder if we can do anything to help her feel better?”
9. Stay Calm.Research shows that one of the most important things parents can do to help kids learn to manage their emotions is to stay calm themselves. Kids need to experience their parents as a “holding environment” — a safe harbor in the storm of their turbulent feelings. If you can stay calm yourself, and soothe your child, she will eventually learn to sooth herself, which is the first step in learning to manage her feelings.
10. Remember they’re kids. Just because Robert bites a playmate doesn’t mean he’ll be an axe-murderer. It’s important not to permit bad behavior toward others, but that doesn’t mean you don’t offer understanding — and the confidence that your child will learn. “All kids get mad at their friends sometimes. It will be easier, as you get older, to remember how to control yourself when you get mad, so you can work things out.” Kids need to hear from you that they aren’t bad people, just little.

How to Adjust a Shy Child for Preschool

If you're worried that your shy child might have a difficult time adjusting to preschool, you are not alone. Parents worry about the ability of a shy child to cope with school, especially with preschool, but being proactive in the summer helps set your child on her way to social success. Remember to see your child as the happy person she is. Shyness has been unfairly characterized, according to a posting -- "8 Ways To Help the Shy Child". “Shyness is a personality trait. It is not a fault. There is nothing wrong with being shy," the author writes.


Plan a Visit
Your son is more at home in environments where he has already made friends, so help him get excited about preschool before it starts. Drive by the school so he can see children playing outside. Let him get acquainted with the neighborhood. Ask if he would like to visit the school. If he answers, "I don't know,” give him time. When you do visit the preschool, stay with him during the visit. Visit a second time a few weeks later, but leave him "alone for an hour while you leave the room," says teacher Lisa DelGloria, in SI Parent, an online magazine for Staten Island parents of preschoolers. Leaving your child alone will give him confidence that he can handle the situation on his own.


Create Your Own Preschool Routine
Before your child starts preschool, create your own circle time at home. Sing a welcome song. With a blank poster board and some markers, create a weather board. You can make sun and cloud and raindrop shapes for her to put on the weather board. Let her tell you her morning news. Bring a sack lunch and take a blanket outside for lunch on the grass. After lunch, ask her to lie down for a nap. After nap time, read aloud to her in the afternoon during snack time. Practice this two or three times a week before the end of summer.


Meet the Teachers
Arrange for a private meeting in the summer with the teacher and assistants. Inform the teachers that your child is shy, but that you believe he will warm up to preschool after a few months. Let the teachers know which activities your son prefers and which activities he might shy away from. Parents not to make the child feel as if being shy is wrong. Some parents worry that their child will not warm up to strangers, but the Ask Dr. Sears website states that parents should stay calm. Shy children often like to make sure that warming up to someone is worth the effort.
Model Outgoing Social Behavior
Be the first to introduce yourself when you enter a room. Show your child that it is easy to start speaking with others. Don't expect her to start introducing herself right away, but when she sees that you are comfortable walking into a room and talking to others, in time, she will also feel comfortable doing this. Smile and be friendly as you go about your day and compliment others frequently, recommends Rene Gilbert, Ph.D., in an Internet site, Parenting the Shy Child.


When Shyness Becomes a Social Handicap
Despite a parent's best efforts, there are times when a child's shyness can become a social handicap. In these instances, what others see as shyness may be an indication that a child is withdrawing because of deeper problems he is experiencing. A child who is withdrawing will usually avoid eye contact and he may exhibit behavioral problems. "When you delve into this little person, you discover he operates from anger and fear instead of peace and trust. When you delve deeper, you often find he has a lot to be angry about," according to the Ask Dr. Sears website. Helping the preschooler with the issues he is angry about becomes more important than the shyness.

How Dangerous Is Your Child's Car Seat?

Crushed Cheerios, crumbs, pacifiers, toys, socks…they're all things you commonly find in the cracks of your child's car seat. Add to that list lead, flame retardants, and toxic plastics. HealthyStuff.org, a project of the Michigan-based Ecology Center, has released the results of its 2011 car seat tests, and found that many of the seats contained varying levels of those unhealthy chemicals. On the up side, they found that many did not—and that no matter what car seats you have for your children, there are ways to protect them from toxic chemical exposure.


The details: The Ecology Center's scientists purchased 150 2011-model infant, convertible, and booster car seats from various retailers in Michigan, where the Center is located. The seats were tested for levels of lead, which is sometimes used as an additive in plastics; chlorine, which indicates the presence of PVC, or vinyl, (a toxic plastic that contains hormone-disrupting phthalates) and bromine, a sign that the car-seat companies are using neurotoxic brominated flame retardants. (Chlorine is also used in certain flame retardants whose safety is highly suspect.) The scientists also tested for a variety of metals that can trigger allergies or cause cancer and other health problems: antimony, arsenic, chromium, cobalt, copper, mercury, nickel, and tin.


The good news is that 40 percent of the products tested didn't contain any of the chemicals above, a marked improvement over the 2008 and 2009 tests, says Rebecca Meuninck, environmental health campaign director at The Ecology Center. And the levels of brominated flame retardants fell 18 percent from previous test levels. "But the fact that 60 percent of the car seats contained at least one of the chemicals we tested for is disconcerting," says Meuninck. Those flame retardants were the most commonly detected chemical, cropping up in 44 percent of the car seats.


More good news: Price didn't seem to be a determinant in the level of chemicals found. "In some cases, the lower-priced seats turned out to have low levels or no chemicals, whereas some of the higher priced seats had high levels," she says. 


Overall, the seats with the lowest levels of chemicals were:
• Infant Seat: Chicco KeyFit 30 in Limonata, Graco Snugride 35 in Laguna Bay, and Combi Shuttle 33 in Cranberry Noche
• Convertible Carseat: Graco Comfort Sport in Caleo, Graco MyRide 65 in Chandler and Streamer, Safety 1st OnSide Air in Clearwater, and Graco Nautilus Elite 3-in-1 in Gabe
• Booster Seat: Graco Turbo Booster in Anders


The seats with the highest levels were:
• Infant Seat: Graco Snugride 35 in Edgemont Red/Black and Graco SnugRide 30 in Asprey
• Convertible Seat: Britax Marathon 70 in Jet Set and Britax Marathon in Platinum
• Booster Seat: Recaro Pro Booster in Blue Opal and Recaro ProSPORT Toddler in Mist


What it means: Meuninck stresses that these results don't in any way mean you shouldn't keep your baby in a car seat. But considering that babies can spend a lot of time in their car seats, they're potentially being exposed to a lot of chemicals that can interfere with their developing lungs, brains, and reproductive systems. As part of the report, the Ecology Center launched a petition asking Graco and Evenflo, the two largest car-seat manufacturers, to remove harmful brominated flame retardants from their car seats.
"For parents, this can be incredibly overwhelming, so one thing we want to tell folks is that there are some ways to reduce exposure," Meuninck says. 


• Don't let your baby nap in the car seat. An hour or two napping in a car seat is an hour or two of exposure to chemical-laden dust, and it could pose a breathing risk for your baby, anyway. A small 2006 study in the British Medical Journal of nine babies found that the upright sleeping position that infant car seats impose puts them at risk for obstructed airways. Infants don't have good head control, and the doctors who authored the study noted that if their heads slump forward while napping, it could narrow their upper airways and cause breathing problems. If they're not actually being driven somewhere, take them out of the seat.


• Hold your baby! Along those same lines, it's not a good idea to use the car seat as an all-purpose carryall. And not just because of chemical exposure. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, there's been an increase in something called "positional skull deformities," or, simply put, flat spots on infants' skulls, which they attribute to babies' spending too much time in car seats, infant carriers, and other devices that put pressure on the back of a baby's skull. In most cases, these deformities disappear once a baby starts sitting upright, but the Academy still recommends that babies don't sleep or spend much time in car seats. Try a sling or a baby carrier instead, both of which can be found in flame-retardant-free organic cotton.


• Vacuum your car. "Under heat and UV light, the chemicals in car seats can break down and migrate out," says Meuninck. So treat your car the way you treat your house: Vacuum it frequently with a HEPA-filtered vacuum and damp-mop the hard surfaces to limit dust exposure, and do the same with the actual car seat. Doing so protects parents, too: Flame retardants, which are found in high levels of car dust, according to past HealthyStuff.org tests, can cause thyroid problems in adults. 


• Find (or create) shade. To keep UV and heat from breaking the chemicals down even faster, park in the shade or under some form of cover as often as you can. And consider investing in some (legal) window films or shades that limit solar heat gain but don't impair a driver's visibility.