Passing on Healthy Habits to Your Children

Part of your responsibility as a parent is to teach your children how to lead healthy lives. The best time to start teaching these lessons to children is when they’re young, before unhealthy choices become lifelong bad habits. When you want to pass on healthy habits to your kids, it’s important to practice what you preach. Just telling your kids what to do won’t necessarily work—they need to see you choosing healthy behaviors too.


The following are some ways to help your kids avoid unhealthy behaviors.
Poor nutrition and lack of physical activity


Children in the United States are gaining more weight than ever before. They’re eating too much high-fat, high-sugar food and are spending less time being physically active. Weight problems that develop during childhood can lead to weight-related illnesses such as cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes.


What can I do?

• Pay attention to the kinds of food you buy. Limit the amount of "junk food" your kids eat. Have plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables available. Be aware even "low-fat" foods may include unwanted ingredients such as added sugar.
• Serve a variety of healthy foods and use appropriate portion sizes. Use the label on the package to determine what a portion is for a particular food.
• Encourage your child to drink plenty of water or milk instead of fruit juice, sugar-sweetened fruit drinks, regular-calorie soft drinks, sports drinks, energy drinks, sweetened or flavored milk, sweetened iced tea.
• Limit the amount of time your children spend watching television, using the computer or playing video games to a maximum of 2 hours per day. Encourage physical activity, such as a sport your child enjoys, instead.
• Eat meals and snacks together, as a family, at the table and not in front of the television.
• Make physical activity part of your family’s routine. Take a walk, visit the community pool or go for a bike ride together. Encourage your children to participate in extracurricular activities. Team sports and martial arts, while helpful to develop a child’s growth and self esteem, do not provide enough aerobic activity to lose weight, so find other activities to add to their day.

Tobacco, alcohol and other drugs
Kids may become curious about drugs at a young age. In fact, many children have already tried alcohol and marijuana by the time they reach middle school. Studies have shown the sooner you start talking to your kids about the dangers of using tobacco, drinking alcohol and using other drugs, the more likely it is that they will avoid them.


What can I do?

• Make it clear your children are not allowed to smoke cigarettes, chew tobacco, drink alcohol or use other drugs. Establish clear consequences if these rules are broken.
• Explain why these substances are harmful. Encourage them to ask questions. A true story may get your children’s attention more effectively than facts and statistics alone. Give real-life examples of people who have experienced negative consequences from using alcohol, tobacco or other drugs.
• Talk to your children about peer pressure. Role-playing can prepare them to say no if they are offered cigarettes, smokeless tobacco, alcohol or other drugs.
• Know your children’s friends and their friends’ parents. Always ask your kids where they’re going, what they’re doing, who will be there, when they will return and how you can reach them. Let other parents know the rules you expect your children to follow.
• Set a good example. Pay attention to how your behaviors may affect your children. For example, when they see you using tobacco, it may send them the message it’s okay for them to use tobacco, too.

Risky sexual behavior
Each year, approximately 1 million teenage girls will become pregnant. Three million teens will get a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Even though it may seem embarrassing, you need to talk to your children about the risks and responsibilities of being sexually active. Don’t simply depend on the sexual education taught in schools. You play an important role in helping your kids understand sex in terms of love, intimacy and respect, as well as how to protect themselves from pregnancy and disease.


What can I do?

• Offer age-appropriate information. A good rule of thumb to follow with younger children is to answer questions about sex when they bring them up. With an older child, you can discuss STIs and other risks of being sexually active and how to minimize those risks. It’s important to talk about this even if your expectation is that your children are not sexually active.
• Be honest with your children about your family's values, opinions and expectations about sex. You may want to ask your family doctor for help in talking to your children. He or she can also provide you with information and facts to share with your children.
• Think about the sexual messages your children get in school, on television or in movies. Talk to your children about these messages and encourage them to ask questions.
• Keep an open mind. If your children are afraid of how you will react, they’ll be less likely to talk to you when they are feeling pressured, unsure or concerned about issues relating to sex.

Teaching Your Child the Art of Happiness

What makes a happy child who grows into a happy adult?  For many parents, raising happy children is the holy grail of parenting success. Since happiness is a by-product of emotional health, this whole website is about helping you raise a happy child, from meeting your infant's need to be held to helping your kids develop optimism. But let's talk specifically about what makes humans happy.


 What do you need to be happy?  A winning lottery ticket? 


The latest research on happiness give us surprising news.  Happiness turns out to be less a result of luck and external circumstance than a product of our own mental, emotional, and physical habits, which create the body chemistry that determines our happiness level.


We all know that some of us tend to be more upbeat than others. Part of this is inborn, just the fate of our genes that give us a happier mood. But much of our mood is habit. 


It may seem odd to have happiness referred to as a habit. But it's likely that by the time we're adults, we have settled into the habit of being happy, or the habit of being unhappy. 


Happiness is closely linked to three kinds of habits:


1.How we think and feel about the world, and therefore perceive our experiences.


2.Certain actions or habits, such as regular exercise, eating healthfully, meditating, even -- proven in study after study -- regularly smiling and laughing!


3.Character traits such as self-control, industry, fairness, citizenship, wisdom, courage, leadership, and honesty.


In practice, these character traits are just habits; tendencies to act in certain ways when confronted with certain kinds of situations. And certainly it makes sense that the more we exhibit these traits, the better our lives work and the better we feel about ourselves, so the happier we are.


Some of the habits that create happiness are visible, the ways Grandma told us we ought to live: work hard, value relationships with other people, keep our bodies healthy, manage our money responsibly, contribute to our community.


Others are more personal habits of self management that insulate us from unhappiness and create joy in our lives, such as managing our moods and cultivating optimism. But once we make such habits part of our lives, they are automatic and serve a protective function.


How can you help your child begin to develop the habits that lead to happiness?


1. Teach your child constructive habits to control his mind and create happiness: managing our moods, positive self-talk, cultivating optimism, celebrating life, practicing gratitude, and appreciating our connected-ness to each other and the entire universe.


2. Teach your child the self-management habits that create happiness: regular exercise, healthy eating, and meditation are all highly correlated with happiness levels. But you and your child may have your own, more personal strategies; for many people music is an immediate mood lifter, for others a walk in nature always works.


3. Cultivate fun. The old saying that laughter is the best medicine turns out to be true. The more we laugh, the happier we are! So the next time you and your child want to shake off the doldrums, how about a Marx brothers movie marathon?


And here’s a wonderful tool: smiling makes us happier, even when we force it. The feedback from our facial muscles informs us that we’re happy, and immediately improves our mood. Not to mention the moods of those around us, and that feedback loop uplifts everyone.


4. Help him learn how to manage his moods. Most people don’t know that they can choose to let bad moods go and consciously change their moods. But it’s usually pretty easy to figure out why you’re in a bad mood; the hard part is choosing to change it.


The first step is always to acknowledge the bad feelings, and what brought them on. Often, simply empathizing with those feelings will allow them to dissipate.


When your child’s in a good mood is a perfect time to comment on how wonderful it is to be in a good mood, and what a waste of precious time a bad mood can be. Talk with her about strategies for getting into a better mood: what works for her? Share what works for you.


Then, when she’s in a bad mood, help her notice what triggered it and how she might change it. Even if she’s able to choose a better mood only one out of ten times initially, she’ll soon start to notice how much better her life works when she does it


5. Model positive self- talk. We all need a cheerleader to help us over life’s many hurdles. Who says we can’t be our own? In fact, who better? Research shows that happy people give themselves ongoing reassurance, acknowledgment, praise and pep talks.


6. Cultivate optimism, it inoculates against unhappiness. It’s true that some of us are born more optimistic than others, but we can all cultivate it. Click here for "How you can help your child become more Optimistic".
7. Help your child find joy in everyday things. Studies show that people who notice the small miracles of daily life, and allow themselves to be touched by them, are happier.


Daily life overflows with joyful occurrences: The show of the setting sun, no less astonishing for its daily repetition. The warmth of connection with the man at the newsstand who recognizes you and your child. The joy of finding a new book by a favorite author at the library. A letter from Grandma. The first crocuses of spring.


As Albert Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Children learn by our example what's important in life.


8. Help your child develop gratitude.


"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have"
-- Frederick Keonig


Many people think they can't be grateful until they're happy. But look closely and you'll find that it's the opposite: people are happy because they are grateful. People who describe themselves as consciously cultivating gratefulness are rated as happier by those who know them, as well as by themselves.


Children don’t have a context for life, they don’t know whether they are lucky or unlucky, only that their friend Bobby has more expensive sneakers. But there are many ways to help children learn to cultivate gratitude, which is the opposite of taking everything for granted. The most obvious is modeling it.


9. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought. As parents, we need to remember that we are not the only ones teaching our children about life. They get the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell them will matter more, but we need to confront those destructive messages directly.


10. Leave room for Grief. Life, as the Buddha said, is full of suffering, and we have daily reasons to grieve. Acknowledging our sad feelings actually gives us more range in feeling our happy ones, and doesn't cause lingering unhappiness. Choosing to be happy doesn't mean repressing our feelings. It means acknowledging and honoring our feelings, and then letting them go. 


11. Help your child learn the joy of contribution. Research shows that the pride of contributing to the betterment of society makes us happier, and it will make our children happier too. Our job as parents is to find ways for them to make a positive difference in the world so they can enjoy and learn from this experience.

Engagement

Enthusiasm.  Engagement.  It's almost the definition of childhood.  A jaded, withdrawn child is a red flag that something is very wrong. But what happens as they grow up, and modern life gets in the way?

"If I were able to give my children any gift to sustain them in life, I believe I might give them passion for what they do.  For if they can live from the heart, they will surely touch the sky." ... Steve Goodier

We all recognize that feeling of full engagement that gives meaning to our lives, when we apply ourselves so completely to the task at hand that we tap into all our resources and then some we never knew we had.
Abraham Maslow described these as “peak moments,” sports stars call it “being in the zone", zen masters express it as being fully present. Somehow, we bring ourselves so completely to the moment that we seem to step out of time, even out of ourselves.  For all of us, it is when we are most fully alive.
Zen masters, of course, can experience this ecstatic state while doing the laundry or stirring the oatmeal, and such experiences, at least occasionally, are one of the many benefits of a regular meditation practice or athletic regimen.  Small children actually live in this state much of the time.
Most humans, however, are more likely to experience peak moments while striving towards a goal. Dopamine, a highly pleasurable neurotransmitter released in the brain in response to alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, cocaine and other mood altering drugs, is naturally present in the brain when we wholeheartedly pursue a goal. Study after study exploring happiness indicates that humans are happiest when they are fully engaged in a challenging activity.
In our culture, the satisfaction and pleasure humans get from achieving goals has become warped by the emphasis on money and possessions. Although many of us continue to pursue more material things, including higher salaries, their attainment is less satisfying the more we have.
Unfortunately, this is true for kids as well.  Studies show that affluent children are more likely to be bored, less enthusiastic, and less likely to report deriving pleasure from their activities.
Engagement is protective for children.  Kids who are passionate about something -- basketball, chess, collecting comic books, playing the trumpet – tend to protect their passion. Smoking compromises the trumpet player’s wind, late nights carousing throw off the ball player’s game, and the serious student knows she wants her mind clear for tomorrow's test.
So how can we help our children to experience the rewards of full engagement?
1. Remember that happiness results more from the fully engaged pursuit of a meaningful goal than from its attainment. As hard as it is for you, don’t be too quick to satisfy all their desires. Help your children set meaningful goals and work towards them. In our age of instant gratification, this is a lost art form.
2. Help kids find something meaningful to them to strive for. Most kids today don’t have to work and save for that new bike; we buy it for them as soon as they outgrow their old one.
But if you're buying him the bike for his birthday, what other goal would matter for him? Shooting a certain number of baskets in a row? Landing a part in the school play? Reading the collected works of Shakespeare? Coaxing a smile from the dour old lady at the corner store? Organizing the other kids to ask the city council for a new soccer field?
 3. Support their passions, don't try to give them yours.   Your fourteen year old spends every spare moment practicing with his band, when you wish he would study more?  It's fine to uphold family standards ("Homework comes first!")  but  recognize how lucky you are that your son has found himself the passion of making music. 
Remember that it’s fine for you to come up with suggestions, but if you have to provide the momentum, it isn’t their passion. Usually kids develop passions one step at a time, when they get encouragement and support from parents about a new interest.
4. Emphasize pursuit of what really matters. In a culture that glorifies wealth and celebrity, it takes clarity and intention to pose a meaningful alternative, but we owe our children the reassurance that life is more than glittering emptiness.
Share your heroes and sheroes with your kids. It may not be as cool to have a picture of Martin Luther King or Ghandi on their walls as Michael Jordan or Britney Spears, but kids need to know they can strive to make the world a better place – and accomplish it.
5. Be aware of addictions that undermine engagement. The siren call of the computer game, for instance, can easily trump the budding passion of the jazz buff. Writing a story takes more work and self-management than watching TV, as is true for all great passions. But that engagement and the sense of accomplishment that results is why we grow from pursuing our dreams.
6. Remember that grand aspirations become reality one step at a time. “Dad, it’s so cold, I wish these homeless people had a place to go!” and “Mom, I wish I could learn Italian!” are opportunities to help your child grow. Yes, these are big challenges, but you WANT her to think big. The trick in tackling a big goal is breaking it into small pieces: “Let’s go home and get a blanket to give that homeless man,” or “Let’s start learning a few Italian phrases by buying a tape to listen to together while we're driving to Grandma's this weekend.”
7. Remember to model rewarding ourselves for each step we make in the right direction. Often this reward is as simple as self praise, but every bit of progress deserves celebration. And of course, reward effort as well as results. "I know you can't actually speak Italian yet, but you've been working so hard on learning new words! Let's celebrate with an Italian dessert tonight."
8. If your child's passion is making the world a better place -- and what a wonderful passion that is -- be aware that both of you will be likely to confront feelings of hopelessness as you really engage with the problems of the world.  Giving one blanket to a homeless man is likely to make her feel temporarily better, but also to drive home for her just how entrenched injustice is in our society.  It helps if you can remind yourself and her that every positive thing we do matters, even when we can't see how.  Remember the starfish story:
A man walking along a beach came upon a little boy running frantically along the sand, picking up starfish and tossing them gently into the water. “What are you doing?” he asked. “The tide is going out, and these starfish will die here on the shore,” the boy answered, barely looking up. The man studied the beach for a minute. There were hundreds of starfish lying in the hot sun. “But you can’t possibly save them all,” he said. “It isn’t worth it.” The boy looked up. “It’s worth it to this one!” he cried, as he tossed another starfish into the ocean.

Fats and Your Child

Why are some fats “good” while others are “bad”?

Your child’s body actually needs a certain amount and type of fat in his or her diet to absorb some nutrients and for good health. For example, vitamins A, D, E and K are “fat-soluble.” This means they require fat to be absorbed by the body. Fats also are helpful because they provide a sense of fullness or “satiety.” Children under 2 years old are still developing their brain and nervous system, and some fats are important for this process. This is why children under 2 should not drink low-fat (1%) or skim milk.

Certain fats (the so-called “good fats”) can help lower total cholesterol levels. Omega-3 fatty acids are especially beneficial. They seem to decrease certain risk factors for heart disease.

But eating too much fat, and especially certain types of fat, can lead to high cholesterol levels, overweight and obesity. These conditions can lead to a number of other health problems as your child grows into an adult, such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and many others.

How much fat in the diet is okay?

The American Heart Association provides these fat guidelines for healthy American children and adults 2 years of age and older:

• Limit total fat intake to less than 25% to 35% of total calories per day.
• Limit saturated fat intake to less than 7% of total calories per day.
• Limit trans fat intake to less than 1% of total calories per day.
• Remaining fat should come from sources of monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, such as nuts, seeds, fish and vegetable oils.
• Limit cholesterol intake to less than 300 mg per day for most people; if heart disease is present or low-density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol levels are over 100 mg/dL or greater, limit cholesterol intake to less than 200 milligrams a day.

How can I tell if a food has too much fat or a “bad” fat?

For packaged food, you can read the Nutrition Facts Label to find out what the food contains, including how much total fat, saturated fat and trans fat.

Sources of Good Fats

• Monounsaturated fats are found in canola, olive, avocado, and peanut and other nut oils, as well as in legumes (dried beans and peas), olives, seeds, nuts, nut butters and fresh avocados.
• Polyunsaturated fats are found in vegetable oils such as corn, sunflower and safflower oil, as well as sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, corn, soybeans, and many other kinds of grains, legumes, nuts and seeds.
• Omega-3 fatty acids are usually found in seafood, including salmon, herring, sardines and mackerel. They can also be found in flaxseeds, flaxseed oil and walnuts.

Sources of Bad Fats

• Saturated fats are usually found in animal products such as meat, poultry and eggs, and dairy products such as cheese, cream and whole or 2% milk. Palm, coconut and other tropical oils, as well as cocoa butter, also contain saturated fat. Many snack foods, such as desserts, chips and French fries, are high in saturated fat.
• Hydrogenated fats are common in margarine and shortening.
• Trans fats, a type of man-made partially hydrogenated fat, are usually found in processed foods, such as cookies, cakes, doughnuts, crackers, snacks and frozen foods, and in fried foods, such as French fries and onion rings.

School Lunches: Helping Your Child Make Healthy Choices

How can I help my child make healthy food choices at school?

The best thing you can do is to prepare your child to make healthy choices. You can do that by helping your child establish healthy habits before school even begins. What you do at home can trickle over into the rest of your child’s day – and the rest of his or her life.

Are school lunches a healthy option for my child?

School lunches are designed to provide healthy food options for children. To see the nutrition information for lunches and other meals offered by your child’s school, check out the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) Food and Nutrition Service School Meals website. Your school district may also provide menus and nutrition information on its website.

Many school districts across the country have revamped their school lunch programs to provide healthier choices. By offering more variety, ethnic food options, vegetarian entrees, and salad, fruit and vegetable bars, students are able to make healthier and more appealing choices. But many students are still unclear about what foods are healthy. They often make their selections based on what they are most familiar with or what their friends are choosing.

Should I make my child’s lunch for him or her to take to school?

Making your child’s lunch is definitely an option, especially if your child is a picky eater or has special dietary needs.

If you’re concerned about your child’s food choices at school, try reviewing the school lunch menu with your child each week. Discuss which days he or she would like to eat at school and which foods and beverages he or she will choose. Work with your child to determine which days he or she will have a “home” lunch. That way, you can help your child select healthy options at school but also provide healthy meals from home.

When you do pack your child’s lunch, prepare it the night before to make sure you don’t run short on time in the morning. If you are in a hurry, you will be more tempted to toss in prepackaged foods and unhealthy snack-like options. Pack items that do not require refrigeration or that can be kept cold with an ice pack or thermos, or check to see if your school offers lunch refrigeration. Some foods, such as beverages and yogurts, can be frozen ahead of time and safely thaw in the lunch box.

Offer these snacks:

·     Fresh fruit

·     Baked chips or pretzels

·     Fresh veggies with salsa or low-calorie salad dressing

·     Unbuttered popcorn and other low-fat snacks

Instead of these:

·     Fried foods

·     Sugary drinks, such as regular sodas and sweetened fruit punches

·     Baked or processed goods

What other options do I have?

Some schools also offer breakfast programs to start children on a healthy track for the day. Sometimes, the meals are served in the cafeteria, while other schools serve breakfast in the classroom. Ask your school for a menu of breakfast offerings.

Child Behavior: What Parents Can Do to Change Their Child's Behavior

What is normal behavior for a child?

Normal behavior in children depends on the child's age, personality, and physical and emotional development. A child's behavior may be a problem if it doesn't match the expectations of the family or if it is disruptive. Normal or "good" behavior is usually determined by whether it's socially, culturally and developmentally appropriate. Knowing what to expect from your child at each age will help you decide whether his or her behavior is normal.

What can I do to change my child's behavior?

Children tend to continue a behavior when it is rewarded and stop a behavior when it is ignored. Consistency in your reaction to a behavior is important because rewarding and punishing the same behavior at different times confuses your child. When you think your child's behavior might be a problem, you have 3 choices:

• Decide that the behavior is not a problem because it's appropriate to the child's age and stage of development.
• Attempt to stop the behavior, either by ignoring it or by punishing it.
• Introduce a new behavior that you prefer and reinforce it by rewarding your child.

How do I stop misbehavior?

The best way to stop unwanted behavior is to ignore it. This way works best over a period of time. When you want the behavior to stop immediately, you can use the time-out method.

How do I use the time-out method?

Decide ahead of time the behaviors that will result in a time-out (usually tantrums, or aggressive or dangerous behavior). Choose a time-out place that is uninteresting for the child and not frightening, such as a chair, corner or playpen. When you're away from home, consider using a car or a nearby seating area as a time-out place.

When the unacceptable behavior occurs, tell the child the behavior is unacceptable and give a warning that you will put him or her in time-out if the behavior doesn't stop. Remain calm and don't look angry. If your child goes on misbehaving, calmly take him or her to the time-out area.

If possible, keep track of how long your child's been in time-out. Set a timer so your child will know when time-out is over. Time-out should be brief (generally 1 minute for each year of age), and should begin immediately after reaching the time-out place or after the child calms down. You should stay within sight or earshot of the child, but don't talk to him or her. If the child leaves the time-out area, gently return him or her to the area and consider resetting the timer. When the time-out is over, let the child leave the time-out place. Don't discuss the bad behavior, but look for ways to reward and reinforce good behavior later on.

How do I encourage a new, desired behavior?

One way to encourage good behavior is to use a reward system. Children who learn that bad behavior is not tolerated and that good behavior is rewarded are learning skills that will last them a lifetime. This works best in children older than 2 years of age. It can take up to 2 months to work. Being patient and keeping a diary of behavior can be helpful to parents.

Choose 1 to 2 behaviors you would like to change (for example, bedtime habits, tooth brushing or picking up toys). Choose a reward your child would enjoy. Examples of good rewards are an extra bedtime story, delaying bedtime by half an hour, a preferred snack or, for older children, earning points toward a special toy, a privilege or a small amount of money.

Explain the desired behavior and the reward to the child. For example, "If you get into your pajamas and brush your teeth before this TV show is over, you can stay up a half hour later." Request the behavior only one time. If the child does what you ask, give the reward. You can help the child if necessary but don't get too involved. Because any attention from parents, even negative attention, is so rewarding to children, they may prefer to have parental attention instead of a reward at first. Transition statements, such as, "In 5 minutes, play time will be over," are helpful when you are teaching your child new behaviors.

This system helps you avoid power struggles with your child. However, your child is not punished if he or she chooses not to behave as you ask; he or she simply does not get the reward.

What are some good ways to reward my child?

Beat the Clock (good method for a dawdling child)

Ask the child to do a task. Set a timer. If the task is done before the timer rings, your child gets a reward. To decide the amount of time to give the child, figure out your child's "best time" to do that task and add 5 minutes.

The Good Behavior Game (good for teaching a new behavior)

Write a short list of good behaviors on a chart and mark the chart with a star each time you see the good behavior. After your child has earned a small number of stars (depending on the child's age), give him or her a reward.

Good Marks/Bad Marks (best method for difficult, highly active children)

In a short time (about an hour) put a mark on a chart or on your child's hand each time you see him or her performing a good behavior. For example, if you see your child playing quietly, solving a problem without fighting, picking up toys or reading a book, you would mark the chart. After a certain number of marks, give your child a reward. You can also make negative marks each time a bad behavior occurs. If you do this, only give your child a reward if there are more positive marks than negative marks.

Developing Quiet Time (often useful when you're making supper)

Ask your child to play quietly alone or with a sibling for a short time (maybe 30 minutes). Check on your child frequently (every 2 to 5 minutes, depending on the child's age) and give a reward or a token for each few minutes they were quiet or playing well. Gradually increase the intervals (go from checking your child's behavior every 2 to 5 minutes to checking every 30 minutes), but continue to give rewards for each time period your child was quiet or played well.

What else can I do to help my child behave well?

Make a short list of important rules and go over them with your child. Avoid power struggles, no-win situations and extremes. When you think you've overreacted, it's better to use common sense to solve the problem, even if you have to be inconsistent with your reward or punishment method. Avoid doing this often as it may confuse your child.

Accept your child's basic personality, whether it's shy, social, talkative or active. Basic personality can be changed a little, but not very much. Try to avoid situations that can make your child cranky, such as becoming overly stimulated, tired or bored. Don't criticize your child in front of other people. Describe your child's behavior as bad, but don't label your child as bad. Praise your child often when he or she deserves it. Touch him or her affectionately and often. Children want and need attention from their parents.

Develop little routines and rituals, especially at bedtimes and meal times. Provide transition remarks (such as "In 5 minutes, we'll be eating dinner."). Allow your child choices whenever possible. For example, you can ask, "Do you want to wear your red pajamas or your blue pajamas to bed tonight?"

As children get older, they may enjoy becoming involved in household rule making. Don't debate the rules at the time of misbehavior, but invite your child to participate in rule making at another time.

Why shouldn't I use physical punishment?

Parents may choose to use physical punishment (such as spanking) to stop undesirable behavior. The biggest drawback to this method is that although the punishment stops the bad behavior for a while, it doesn't teach your child to change his or her behavior. Disciplining your child is really just teaching him or her to choose good behaviors. If your child doesn't know a good behavior, he or she is likely to return to the bad behavior. Physical punishment becomes less effective with time and can cause the child to behave aggressively. It can also be carried too far -- into child abuse. Other methods of punishment are preferred and should be used whenever possible.

When Your Toddler Doesn't Want to Eat

How much should my child eat?

How much your child eats may be very different from how much another child eats. Don't worry if it seems that your child doesn't eat enough at one meal. Children often make up for a small meal or a missed meal at the next mealtime.

If your child has plenty of energy and is growing, he or she is most likely healthy. Talk to your doctor if you have any concerns about how your child is growing or if you are concerned that picky eating is slowing your child's growth.

What if my child is a picky eater?

Many toddlers are picky eaters. Being picky about food is a normal behavior for many toddlers. There may be times when your child wants to eat a particular food again and again for a while, and then not want to eat it at all. Offer your child a variety of nutritious foods and let him or her choose what to eat. You may want to serve something you know your child likes along with another new nutritious food. But try to let your child explore new foods on his or her own. Don’t force your child to taste new foods. You may need to offer a new food several times before your child tries it.

You may need to be flexible with the meals you prepare to make sure your child gets a balanced diet. For example, if you're making beef stew for dinner and your child will only eat potatoes and carrots, you may need to cook some of these vegetables separate from the stew so that your child will eat them.

You may want to make a list of foods that you know your child likes so you can make sure he or she eats a balanced diet.

Setting a good example for your child can also help. If your child sees you eating a variety of healthy foods, he or she will be more likely to give them a try.

How can I make sure my child is getting enough to eat?

Offer your child food that is tasty and looks good, and offer the right amount. A good rule of thumb is to offer 1 tablespoon of each kind of food for each year of your child's age. If your child is still hungry, you can serve more. Don't force your child to clean his or her plate. Once he or she is no longer hungry, your child should be allowed to stop eating.

Try not to bribe your child to eat (such as offering dessert as a reward). Threats or punishments aren't good ideas, either. If your child doesn't want to eat, accept his or her refusal. Even though you may be concerned, don't show your child that you are upset by this refusal to eat. If your child is seeking attention, your disapproval fills that need, and he or she may try to gain your attention in the same way another time.

What about snacks?

Your child should have 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. Toddlers usually don’t eat enough in one meal to remain full until the next mealtime. Offer your child small, healthy snacks in between meals. Some examples of healthy snacks include low-fat string cheese, yogurt cups, apple slices or strawberry halves, slices of lean turkey or whole-grain crackers with peanut butter.

Try not to offer your child snacks close to mealtimes. If the next meal is several hours away, it’s okay to serve a snack. If the meal is in the next hour, avoid offering your child a snack. If your child comes to the table hungry, he or she is more likely to eat the meal.

If your child doesn't eat at one mealtime, you can offer a nutritious snack a few hours later. If your child doesn't eat the snack, you can offer food again at the next mealtime. A child will usually eat at the second meal. With this approach, you can be sure that your child won't go hungry for too long or have other problems associated with a poor diet.

How can I make mealtimes easier?

You may want to try the following suggestions to make mealtimes easier and more enjoyable:

· Give your child a heads up. Ten to 15 minutes before mealtime, tell your child that it will be time to eat soon. Children may be so tired or excited from play activities that they don't feel like eating. Letting your child know that it is almost time for a meal will give him or her a chance to settle down before eating.

· Establish a routine. Children are more comfortable with routines and predictability, so set regular mealtimes, have people use the same seats at the table or create a tradition to have each person talk about something fun or interesting that happened to them during the day.

· Reserve mealtimes for eating and for spending quality time with your family. Don't let your child play with toys during mealtimes. Reading books or watching television shouldn't be allowed during mealtimes either. Explain to your child how good it is to eat together and ask him or her to stay at the table until everyone has eaten.

· Make mealtimes pleasant. If mealtimes are pleasant, there is a good chance that your child will begin to look forward to eating with other family members. Try to avoid arguments during mealtime.

· Manage your expectations. Don't expect manners that are too difficult for your child. For example, don't expect a child who is 3 years old to eat with the proper utensil. For many children, a spoon is much easier to handle than a fork.